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[THIS BLOG CONTAINS REAL INFORMATION THAT HAS OR STILL IS HAPPENING IN MY LIFE, I HOPE ONE DAY THESE EPISODES WILL HELP SOMEONE OUT THERE]
- March, 2013
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That day I was basically observing everyone's behaviors and interactions. I was curious about how they interreacted with each other, in order to determine how to behave as well. I had trouble being myself around new people, so I was always cautious with my actions.
I was especially interested in Chocolate. One thing I couldn't understand is how is someone as good looking as him can be okay with interacting with a bunch of nobodys like us. Either way, it didn't matter to me, all I knew is that I wanted to get his attention and for him to be as interested in me as I am with him.
Later that day, all I could think about was him. He stayed on my mind throughout the whole bus ride home. Once I was home, I went through all of my clothes to find the perfect outfit that would catch his eye. However, I was pretty heavy set, so I didn't want him to notice my weight through anything tight. I also had nothing but anime HotTopic t-shirts, and during this time, anime was incredibly taboo, so it was incredibly unpopular to like anime.
The more I looked through my outfits, the more I started to get frustrated. I obviously couldn't impress him through my appearance, so the only thing I could think of is somehow getting to know him more, and hopefully finding things that we have in common. So I thought that if we could maybe connect with a common interest then maybe he will find interest in me.
The next day I head to my new lunch table when I realized that Chocolate was wearing one of the school's official football jersey. Once I sat down, Discoball asked me if I was going to the pep rally at the football stadium after school. Honestly, I was confused bc I didn't hear about any pep rally that day. Before I could answer her, I asked Chocolate if that's the reason why he was wearing a jersey. He said yes and he is also participating bc he's apart of the football team.
Once he said that my heart sank. Not only is he so good looking, but he's also a football player at our school?! And here I am, a chubby nerd who draws weird shit and is quiet all the time. But I didn't want to give up hope, maybe there is some way I can get him to become interested in me. After lunch, I pulled Discoball aside and asked her to meet me at the football stadium bc I wanted to ask her some questions, but I didn't exactly tell her what and why I wanted to ask her. But, she humbly agreed.
During the pep rally, I met up with her at our secret location. I asked her if she knows if Chocolate has a profile on Facebook or Instagram. She told me that as far as she knew that he didn't have one. She then tried to ask me why I was asking for his social media. However, before I could answer, I became distracted bc I overheard a group of popular girls admiring Chocolate in his uniform. All of a sudden, Discoball asked if I wanted his number. I thought about it but instead, I told her no thanks and began to sit with my own group of friends.
Later that day, I felt hopeless. Chocolate is handsome, on the football team, and is extremely popular. My chances of being with him began to look slimmer and slimmer. Once I was home, I tried to look for his social media accounts despite what Discoball said. But of course, I couldn't find anything.
I truly felt like I was locked out of heaven...
TO BE CONTINUED...
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