What do I want ?

21/4/24 - 11:10 am .

i never really thought about my own future, y'know ? 

ever since my mom died when i was 10 i always had this feeling that i'd be dead before i even turn 16 . now i'm 18 and i have no plans for my future whatsoever .

i know what i want, but i don't know if i'll ever get there .

i want to live in a trailer again, just like i used to, with a motorcycle and a cat and maybe a partner when the time comes that i'll be healed enough to love healthily . 

dream motorcycle ? call me basic but i really want a kawasaki ninja, most likely a pink one because i love the color pink .

i want to adopt a cat, give it a nice home where it will be loved .

i don't see myself in a serious relationship anywhere in the future, but i keep my options open . i feel like to be able to love someone else, i would need to be able to love myself properly first . i'm working on it though, i want to be the best version of myself and i am actively trying to better myself .

anyways, tldr: little rambling about what i want .