maybe nto???

hi im back, i dont wanna talk about the older guy, even though nothing bad happened. 

i havent been doing the best recently, but im not really going through the great depression again either. im just kind of there, yk? its saturday, my friends are all busy. i dont like being alone. i also watched jays video, the last seen online one. 

https://youtu.be/wIE05hDestg?si=Jgm4_oLxnN_lfG0S <-- that one

it was really sad. 

nobody really talks to me on here, and nobody cares that much about my "journal entries", so i dont see why i should keep writing this useless shit. i want to kill myself so badly but im too scared to. i dont want to be forgotten, so i have a bunch of socials. once im dead, you all can look at my posts, and remember me by them. the suicidal 12-13 year old girl who killed herself before she could even see what living was like. its not like ill be doing it anytime soon though. maybe not. 

i hate everything about myself, so i dont want to keep living like this. 

"itll get better!" shut the fuck up you dont understand and you never will. i dont have any other choice.