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I've been in and out of college over the past 4 years, and each time with education, I've been interrupted by some trauma, either catching on fire, my late mother's addiction, or her passing. I'm honestly not sure how to move forward and get my life back on track and back into college because I feel completely removed from my initial 'person,' where I can no longer really identify who I am through the trauma. I'm not sure if I should go back to college where I could afford it with no real issue even if it's just Community College, or just find something.
Right now, I'm a NEET waiting to process my mother's estate, but I know I need something to do to have some semblance of normalcy. But each step feels gargantuan to take either out of fear or anxiety something will go wrong. I'm just lost.
How to get back into the swing of things
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CECIL
eyy, As with every comment online, take this with a grain of salt, I'm not an expert in anything. Just going to give some food for thought here,
We change a lot during our life, and sometimes it's not about recognizing yourself but getting to know this new you. Stuff changes us, and sometimes when we feel a bit lost we have to get to know ourselves all over again.
Right now I'm at a pretty meh phase of my life and I look back and see that I am not the same person I once was, it's a very weird feeling. That's neither bad nor good, it's just weird and uncomfortable. But that's neither bad nor good. It's hard for me to not judge the past me- I don't like his decisions and his lack of things. Nostalgia is a bit tricky and it tricks us into wanting to remain in the past. I feel I was happier, but in reality, I was just naive and oblivious.
Phillip Pulman said once in his introduction to Paradise Lost that the loss of innocence is needed to gain knowledge and wisdom. I mean not in these words per se, and he kinda goes deeper into many themes, but Idk, it kinda made me see my life through a different set of lenses. Hope it might help.
Right now you are grieving and that's a whole process in itself, so please be kinder and don't feel you should rush too much. It's easier said than done, of course, life and bills sadly do not stop. But it's an intense and important process this one you are going through, and you can't skip or go around grief you need to go through it. It's hard I know. See what makes sense for you now, not the past you. Sometimes that's taking a big step and going back to college, sometimes just live day by day and not let life overwhelm you so much. But you will get through it, it's just a delicate and intense process.
Baccara
hii what neet means?
and also, about the last part "But each step feels gargantuan to take either out of fear or anxiety something will go wrong. I'm just lost"
the only way out it throught, you have to kinda force yourself to get out of this state, really...if it feels uncomfy, trust me: youre doing it right, you getting out of this place that your body got used to and someday it wont be hard anymore