I wish I was normal

I fucking hate my personality so much, and I cant change it. I'm trying to be different and get therapy but they just tell me to "be myself" but I hate it! everyone else hates it too, they all think I'm weird and annoying, everyone dose. there is no redeeming quality about me and I'm literally a waste of oxygen. I spend all day and all night mourning my childhood and mourning how I couldve been if I was just NORMAL! it took me 13 fucking years to get my first real friend. I never understood why no one liked me. I get it now, but I still cant fix it. and I'm coming to terms I'll be alone forever because the way I am. Maybe its my fault I'm like this, or maybe its just fate. I will never be loved, or normal, or liked, I'll never have friends. I will never have a lover, and I'm going to forever be alone. I hate it, and I want to be liked, I want to be loved. I'm tired of always being the second option. I hate myself, I want to curl up and be invisible for the rest of my life