More Rambling

I keep disappointing myself, My whole life I've loved doing music and find it really easy. I used to be able to just pick up any instrument and learn to play it easily. I found it to be really fun and thought that I would just play music my whole life. I wanted it to be my career. Now I have a hard time playing, and don't find almost any joy in playing my instrument. I'm the lead player of my schools band, and I hate it. My guitar just sits and collects dust most of the time, My parents talk about me selling it but I still love it. I made my bass but I don't touch it, and I finally got a full drum set. I've always wanted to play drums but my school required lessons for drums and my family couldn't afford it. I have them now, And they were fun for a while, But I had to get pads for it because it was annoying my family, But hitting muted pads compared to an actual drum just takes the joy out of it. Whats the point of playing If i can't hear it. When I go to play a drum I want to hear the drum, not the stick hitting a pad. I don't have any passion for music any more. I applied and got into a great autobody program that would get me all the certifications I would need to immediately get into autobody shops, But I don't even Like cars. I thought I did, I thought that it was something I really wanted. When I walked into that room at the career center I thought that it was what I wanted to do. But now I don't know, my parents said I wouldn't like it. That it was something that wasn't going to be fun for me. Now they keep asking me why I'm planning on going to college if I'm going to trade school. I kinda like autobody, I've always wanted to restore cars. But I don't know if that's my forever career. I love cinematography, I love filming things and love exploring different camera angles (Murray Milne who filmed brain dead was very influential). I don't know I guess I just have a lot on my mind and just am stressed.