almost there

haven't been very creative recently. these past three years have been a shit time of my life and some weeks are better than others. I just went past the anniversary of when I got my disability so that's been taking up a lot of my brainpower. it feels wrong calling it a disability since it's not outwardly visible & not listed officially in the ADA listing. plus there's the whole 'there are people more disabled than you' idea that people love to constantly throw out there. every time I use ADA seating at a concert it makes me feel bad cause it helps but also I feel like anyone who doesn't know me looks at me like 'wow look at this able bodied bitch taking a seat from people who CLEARLY need it more'. I used to have to use a cane but I don't need to anymore so from the outside I look completely fine even tho on the inside my brain is completely fucked up lol aaaaa. Even writing this blog post has the brain fog & dizziness rearing it's stupid head.

also I've been stressing about budgeting cause my new insurance doesn't cover as much as I thought and I recently had to pay off a ton of medical bills >o>. Plus my cat needed some bloodwork done so THAT cost a lot too. AND my electric/gas bill was higher than normal last month. ugh.

I've been trying to get more into random doodling rather than stressing over finishing fully completed pieces. i have lots of ideas but like no motivation to actually draw any of them. literally I can be sitting in front of one of my many sketchbooks or my cintiq and nothing will come out or what I do manage to draw looks like shit and it is beyond frustrating ｡:ﾟ(;´∩`;)ﾟ:｡ 

Thankfully I'm going to another convention next weekend and also visiting my parents in mid-May. PLUS Record Store Day is this Saturday! And Free Comic Book day is also coming up! So I keep trying to look forward to all these events so that I have something to latch onto when I start feeling shitty. I have been counting down the days until this convention for WEEKS. It's pretty small compared to many other cons I've been to but sometimes small means 'better community + connections' so who knows!