just a mini rant

so uhh ive been feeling guilty and like a burden recently and i have been comparing myself heavily to my sibling and thinking that thy're more perfect and more good than me and i think im the messed up one and im not perfect and im not smart like them i juts dont like this anymore i try stopping but it always gets back to me like if i cant remove it somehow and ive been feeling like im horrible and i far my parents and other people will be annoyed and judgmental towards me cause ive been judged way to many times and i dont wanna experience that ive been recommended a therapist but i denied cause i feared my relative will judge me and get mad at me but i think im just being dramatic and extra tbh

is this normal?