4-8-24

i am at the beach. i am writing this at the beach. i’ve realized how soon it really is that i am going to have to apply and decide which college up transfer to. it has been in my head 24/7 and i have been looking at reviews and dorms and student life posts and photos so much. it feels so committal. i have top choices but i like them all for different reasons. humboldt is my dream campus, the people seem cool, and it’s where ill most likely get accepted + full ride. but its not only so far from home, but everything else. i can be comfortable with myself in that environment but that assurance is comforting. especially since my other choices are pretty close to home. san jose is close and is in downtown sj which sounds so fun. always something to do. ucsc was my dream school for awhile but as time passed i feel i wouldn’t like the people and i don’t care enough for o pay 3x the amount just for a uc. so that’s been a battle in my head for awhile. on a lighter note, i everyone’s life is so universal, yet so different. the first part has been bringing me a lot of comfort. knowing there have been people in the same and have succeeded is nice because im tjr and hey roll to even better. i feel generous, not very outward tho. my friend emma is so positive and kind and so outward which is so cool yet feels a little hard for me to do. hopefully it’ll come with time. the ocean looks like the edge of the world. i like that. i will look into why i am bad at commitment to hobbies. i will fix that.