𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕞𝕪 𝕝𝕚𝕗𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕀 𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕣𝕪

For him, I could never find all the words to define how he had become my everything.

for all the times I said not to come back and not to love you, that I wanted to convince myself not to love you..I can't even hate him, I can't lie and say that I forgot you, I just got used to your absence because I know very well that you wouldn't stay with me.You are all that my eyes saw, all my hope was in you, I always tried to understand you, I wanted to think that what we had was special for you too.

I know it doesn't bother you to get away from me and find someone better, someone who will give you what you're looking for, but where do I go? Where do I throw all the words you said, all the hope where do I place it?

I don't really know how I feel right now, I don't know what to think, I don't know how to hate you, I should but after all I love you.

I know I never told you how much I wanted to share my time with you, nor how much it cost me to let you back into my life because I was sure you would leave again, you never stay.

I want to tell you, I must write it because it was impossible for me to let you know, it is so difficult for me to interact and you needed that...

Now everything that I was not able to do hurts me so much.

I liked holding your hand, feeling you close, feeling you mine even though it wasn't like that, seeing you smile and walking next to me, it was as if everything I had waited for was finally there, I knew it was momentary and even so I thought I would get used to you being here.

It is difficult for me to let you go, to let go of what I feel for you, the way I love you, the way I liked you, I am afraid that I will never be able to erase you from me and it is unfair because for you I was nothing, just something. Without remedy, someone you can never love and I admit that knowing that is what keeps me away from you, because if it were for me I would give you my life without thinking about it, at the end of everything you will always have and be a part of me..

For you, boy with whom I would not hesitate to marry, for whom I would leave behind my dreams, my fears and who I am, for you, boy with whom I will never be able to get up to the altar even though that is what my dreams were about.