Guns, Tactical gear, and a Dog complex

This should probably go into movies and media like that, but there's a lot I'm gonna scream into the void here. Wanna hear about me being a confused 16 year old? That'll be closer to the end.

So, to start this off, guns. No, I'm not some raging gun nut who hates gays or something like that. I just think they're fascinating. I know a lot about them, but I still barely know how most of them work beyond their basic functionality/intended use. They're wonderful weapons in my eyes, and more fun to pick apart and use than any sword or hammer. 

I think .45 acp is my favorite calibur, but most variants of 7.62 is fun too. I say these both for different reasons. .45 is a century old, and it's tried and true. It's strong, hits like a truck, slams with big caps, and is strong for a semi auto pistol calibur that doesn't dip into double action revolver territory. 

I like 7.62 because I love soviet era technology. (I stand with Ukraine) I think old Russian guns are gorgeous for the most part, and even now I still love the AK platform, with AK-47s and 74m's, and even AK variations like the Dragunov, VSS vintorez, and AS Val. While I do love AK's more than the AR-15 platform, i'll never say the latter isn't without its merit. 

My next add on with guns is the customizability. They're like my little functional barbie dolls! I'm limited to airsoft for the time being, which is fine. I don't intend to own an absurd amount of guns, and if all goes well, none of them will ever see action outside of a competition or range because I'm morally against partaking in hunting. Still, there's so many different sights and handles and scopes and stocks. It's oddly freeing how much you can slap onto a gun and have it retain its functionality, though you have to acknowledge that just cause you have 300 attachments on it doesn't mean it's 300x better. For the most part, you're giving yourselves handicaps. You put handles and visual indicators on your war weapon because it's a delicate yet violent beast. It's made to withstand harsh conditions and intense abuse, and yet sometimes the smallest brush of its trigger sends out something that could kill anyone unfortunate enough to be in front of it. You don't add the attachments to the gun to improve the gun, you add the attachments to the gun to improve yourself. It's only as good as its user.

To that effect, I'm looking to get my current airsoft gun dolled up with some new equipment here in the next couple paychecks. I just got a panoramic sight for it, and some camo bandage wrap that I put around the handguard to make it blend in better. Some of that is in vein, as I'll be cutting off the orange tip for future upgrades, and I have to unwrap its entire front to fix on new grips, lights, lasers, grenade launchers, etc. For now, I want to get a tracer unit/suppressor on it, and a flashlight or laser. For the time being, I'm also looking at getting an m16 as a dmr. I'll be putting concealment on the end of that too, along with a scope, probably ACOG, a suppressor, and a bipod on it, but first I need more mags for my pistol.

Something I hate about Hollywood is the portrayal of silencers/suppressors. They don't get that quiet almost ever. It might work that well with certain subsonic rounds, but another thing is that the sound doesn't come solely from the front. It comes from the sides and the shell ejection port. I did see a video of a near completely silent 1911 earlier though, which was pretty cool honestly. But still, even from a long distance you could hear an m14 snap as a shot is fired. It would sound different, and you'd have to be quieter, but the snow mission from MWII wouldn't go down like that, yk?

Back on topic of dolling up your guns, what about yourself? I don't think I'm an unattractive person, primarily because I've learned to stop looking at myself with disgust since the time I was ten years old. I appreciate my body and my features, but I still feel the most attractive in my gear. I don't have a lot right now. A sniper rifle, a shotgun, a rifle and a pistol for guns. A tan plate carrier with linear mag pouches and a mag pouch insert soon if all goes well. A tan balaclava and a chocolate chip camo boonie hat, but still. It's nice. I feel good when I wear it, even though when I wear it, I tend to cover up all the features I deem attractive. My torso, which I've given some muscle to over the years with lots of effort, is covered by the bulky, accessory covered plate carrier I wear to my games. My jaw line, face, and long hair are covered by my tan balaclava, but it carries use. It makes me feel kinda anonymous in a way. All you have are my eyes and my eyebrows to go off of. And yet, I love my hair and my face. It covers it up and I love myself more. Soon enough, I'll get tinted goggles for day games and they'll cover my eyes. Baggy tactical pants that cover my legs. Better shirts that cover my arms, and gloves to cover my hands. My human shape, which I've worked to make myself love is going to be concealed by clothing made for efficiency, and I will love myself more. It's kinda funny how that works.

You have to view yourself the same way you view your weapon in a way, especially when choosing gear, though you have to function on different principals. Unlike things you put on your gun, you can improve your own functionality through your gear. Open topped mag pouches and better gloves will make you better at reloading. Baggy and durable pants will let you run and crawl better. A lighter plate carrier/rig will make your stamina last longer and lessen your load. Inversely, a bigger plate carrier will allow you to carry more, be better protected, give you a better presence when hunkered down. A hat might offer you shade protection and temperature regulation a helmet doesn't, but you can mount a better light to your helmet, and other cool things like night vision.

I love night vision. i could go on for hours about why, and about the three different colors, more if you're lucky, the digital vs chemical versions and 1 tube vs 2 vs 4. Digital is better for cheaper people like me, and while it functions relatively the same, they're vastly different in practice. Chemical doesn't have processing or refresh rates like digital does, and it picks up light a lot better. Digital relies on greater IR concentrations and some come with IR flashlights, which are great when other people don't have night vision, or you're using it for something more simple like going out at night, but not great when others do have night vision. But again, this improvement is a solution to one of the human's greatest weaknesses. It's only going to help you as much as you can utilize it.

Now for the dog complex. I'm not proud of the person I used to be. I used to be a little manipulative when it came to getting affection when I was a bit younger because I was going through a hard time. I was figuring things out. I've changed now, and made great effort to do so, and I'm proud of myself for that. I'm proud of the person I'm turning out to be and I'm happy about how much better I've become. That being said, some part of me feels like I still owe things. I know I haven't righted every wrong, and to that effect, all I can do is try to better myself and do things for others. The golden rule is hard to follow sometimes, but it's good advice. The best you can be is kind. And one of the best ways to be kind is to do things for others. And to that effect I've gained a kind of dog complex, where my life's purpose at any given time is dictated by how much/what I can do for others. I find my purpose and enjoyment through helping people mentally, with tasks, taking things off their shoulders and making other's lives easier. This development made me want to join the military for a while. When I was little I wanted to go in to make my family proud. My grandpa was special forces for the Navy, and my cousin was a mechanic for the army in Afghanistan. I wanted to make them proud and be like them, because young me was very susceptible to propaganda. Those men and women in uniform were heroes. They still are to me, but I know they're not valued and viewed as they should be, because I love my country, but part of loving my country is knowing we've got to improve. As I began bettering myself, I began questioning if that's what I wanted to do again though. If I wanted to serve and prove I had worth. In line with the dog mentality, the one thing the soldiers never seemed to lack was a purpose, and I wanted one. I don't think I'm going to enlist. It would be cool, but I don't think I could take it, especially for four years. Regardless, I'm happy I had that food for thought. My friends have given my purpose and opportunity like I've never had before, and I love them all for it. I love Ellie and Carlos, and I love Kevin and I love all the silly people in my computer, including you! Because in a world so full of hate, the best way you can make an impact is to love. 

Drink some water and eat something. I love you. I care about you. I hope you take care of yourself, and I hope you wish me the same. 

- Jack