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This mood is really annoying like damn just let me enjoy shit. Idk if anyone else gets like this, I feel like 99% of the time when I find art or media that represents my trauma and mental struggles it's really nice and makes me feel so much safer and understood and connected to myself but then like every once in a while it just makes me feel like shit when I relate to it. Like I suddenly am forced to acknowledge that relating to that media means that I've been broken beyond repair idk. That media is basically the only comfort I have bc I don't really have anyone that I feel safe to open up to even tho I have some friends, so when that media suddenly stops being comforting it fucks everything up. I hope this mood goes away soon cuz I'm trying really hard to not fall back into old habits but I'm slipping and it sucks.
(Song playing is Hey, Doctor Doctor by Milk In The Microwave)
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Aymu
I get what you mean, maybe not in exactly the same way but relating to some things is sometimes validating and other times memory-inducing; and I usually feel flooded with ambivalence.
For me that ambivalent feeling makes me feel really hollow or regretful over decisions I made in the moment (sorta the opposite of validation).
It's just too much sometimes and I wish I had the ability to not care or have such mixed feelings so I could just move on with my life.
I often get that feeling of regret too when I get like this. It's still really hard for me to shake the feeling that what happened to me is my fault. I know everyone I've ever told about it says that it's not my fault but I can't help but look through all these memories and think of a million different small actions I could've made that would change everything.
by Lcvesick; ; Report