Dissociating

Yesterday, I had a pretty bad dissociative episode *in class*, and I couldn't break out of it. I felt like my body wasn't my own, I couldn't think properly, I wasn't able to focus on what my lecturer was saying at all, I was a complete disoriented mess. 

I think I was able to start grounding myself by writing a little bit, but it started out just so weirdly. I was writing in a jumbled mess of upper and lower-case letters. Very strange. 

The worst part is that it came out of nowhere without any real reason. I mean, I guess I've been a little anxious about the road ahead for the past few days because I just started my diploma, but in that moment, nothing was happening. I just felt myself starting to fade out of nowhere. All I was trying to do at the time was organise my folders! That's it!

Thankfully it was only a half-day, and I was able to get home okay. Although I was still recovering from it for ages. I'm talking, I was feeling the disorientation for most of the 40 minute bus ride home, and felt emotionally exhausted and flat from it for the rest of the day. I don't think I've ever had it that bad before. 

I don't know what the take-away from this is. I certainly didn't learn to ground myself well AT ALL. I guess I learned that going home that disoriented and brain-foggy is pretty dangerous though. I could see a lot of things going wrong. I'm just happy that it didn't.