Hello.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry for everything. I've said it before and I'll say it again— I'm sorry. It seems like no matter what I do, no matter how much I distract myself. It always comes back to SpaceHey and how I've treated everyone.

It’s been an exhausting last few months for me, and I don't know what to do. I’m trying my damnedest to change but I'ma be honest— Progress has been slim. I haven't really stuck to what I said I'd do, like for example, take a break from Discord. I didn't actually end up doing that because it would have driven me insane without interaction.

I want to change. I want to be a better person. I want to prove to everyone that I'm trying but it's been quite the opposite of what I expected thus far. I know that people have forgotten about all of this, but I can't move on— I want for people to like me and I wish I didn't drive everyone away and make bad judgment calls.

Almost every single day, every single thing I do— I stop to think about my actions and how badly I hurt everyone and myself. I don't want forgiveness but I just want some kind of closure to all of this— I don't want my digital footprint to be tainted forever. I want to do something, but what? I don't know. I just want friends,, and my social anxiety and awkwardness prevent me from putting myself out there. I added so many people on SpaceHey because I was looking for validation, which hints why I sent people so many clips of my games because those were the only people I truly considered friends. I copied and pasted apologies to people because I just felt bad about the smallest things. I’ve gotten gradually more sensitive to the point that if some stranger told me to “kms,” then I'd lose all my motivation for that day.

I just don't know what to do. Why am I coming back here to spill my guts out to people who dislike me and have forgotten about me? No clue. I guess I just want people to believe that I am, and always have been, feeling guilty over everything I've done, contrary to what most people believe. I just don't really know how to change. I never meant to hurt anyone, I wish I hadn't done any of this. I wish I hadn't flirted with people, and most importantly— I wish I didn't goof up with someone younger than me because that's mostly where all of this stems from. I just hate being labeled as something that I, myself, even despise. I never wanted things to turn out this way and no, I am not gonna sit here and defend what I did. And of course, as some of you know, I did something else with one of my friends— That was an age play scenario. I thought we were both comfortable with it but apparently, it was one sided. That's pretty bad but I have ceased that since. I am not gonna even comment or make an excuse for what I did. That was really, really bad and I can see why some might hate me. I have stopped doing anything among the lines of this— I don't know why I am like this.

I don't know how to close this. I want to apologize to everyone once again. I just wanted to be friends with everyone, but I think some of my playful teasing kinda got in the way of that— And my flirtatious side, too. I just can't shake this feeling of guilt and regret, which makes sense. All I want is for people to just know that I feel bad, as I said. I’m not the best, that's obvious, but I really do care for everyone on here even if the feeling isn't mutual. I should've dropped this situation ages ago but it's stuck with me to the point that I look at SpaceHey pretty much everyday to see if anyone has talked about me which is why I want to post this and leave.

So, again, one last time— I’m sorry for everything. I wrote something before this which I deleted but basically it was on par

 with this.