small (?) crisis

So, i've been diagnosed with autism around a week ago but it doesn't really feel like i have it??

Like, it explains some things, sure. But, overall idk

‼️Before i start rambling i'd like everyone to know that i'm aware that autism is a spectrum and that there id no "right" way to be autistic. This is all just my own feelings on my diagnosis, lol‼️ 

Anyways, like i mentioned earlier, it explains some things but still.

-I understand social cues and am able to read the room (i can recall some times where i couldn't do that though).

-I usually have a thing that i'm intrested in for around a year before getting burnt out but i wouldn't say that they're hyperfixations as i don't recall a time where i forgot to take care of myself because of that intrest (i do sometimes stay up but that's it really.) they're mostly just things i think about most of the time.

- I wouldn't really say i have heightened sensitivity. I don't like loud noises but that's it.

-i DO struggle with conversations unless there we're discussing a task (like work or cooking.) But, other than that, i mostly stay quiet as i do not know what to add to the conversation 

-i don't know how to react when people get me gifts most of the time too. Like, i think i do?? I have no idea but when it's something unexpected i don't know how to react without it seeming like i'm ungrateful 

-i have no idea what my relationship with eye contact is, sorry. Idk my year 5 teacher said i don't do it much but my speak therapist (which i had at one point as i had trouble pronouncing polish words) said that someone has to be "worthy" of making eye contact with me (lmaoooo???) i remember making it at one point with a guy while we were in year 2 and was surprised i could see my own reflection 

-i remember watching a video where it said that some autistic people don't know how to simply say "i don't want to do this" or something (it's hard to explain) so instead they do some other things like lie on the floor. I can kind of relate to this. I don't lie on the floor or anything but i just hope often that people will be able to know what i want despite not telling them explicitly and sometimes telling them the oposite?? 

Idk i always thought i was neurotypical. If anything, i thought i might have adhd since i relate to a lot of the videos of people with the disorder talking about their experience.

I have no clue what purpose this serves but i just wanted to put it out somewhere i guess. 

The lady who diagmosed me said that i mask a lot but idk