Eid and family reunions

This is just a ramble I guess. Ramadhan is almost coming to an end, feels like it’s ending as soon as it came. I’ve also been in school for about a month I guess sort of. Tomorrow’s gonna be Friday and once the school day ends I’ll be free for the next week and I know I should be excited for Eid and stuff but it just doesn’t feel right this year. 

Once upon a time ago Eid used to be an exciting time as it’s the day where we all wear new clothes and celebrate after fasting for a whole month. Every year I’d visit my relatives and young me was excited to see my cousins. We’d talk and play games together, have a feast, all that fun stuff.

Then the pandemic hit and whatever came after and everything just felt different. My relationship with my relatives was never really that close considering I only ever saw them once or twice a year but it’s gotten more distant with time due to a bunch of personal reasons I’m not really going to disclose. I’ll also admit that I’ve slowly lost my ability to fully hold a conversation in my first language as I mainly use English on a daily both online and irl. This becomes a problem as most of my relatives only know basic English and mainly speak my first language. I also have no idea what to talk about nowadays, they always ask me the same old questions like “how’s school been?” or “what grade are you in this year?”, the general stuff. I don’t say much because really there’s nothing to say. I’ve changed a lot to say the least, I’ve gained more interests and have become more emotionally aware in a way. My mental has also declined a lot in the past years or so and it has affected a bit of the way I act nowadays although I don’t know if that’s a valid excuse for myself. 

I don’t know anymore honestly, I wouldn’t really mind just celebrating Eid this year with only my close family but it seems like that won’t really be the case. Nevertheless I’ll try to stay some positive anyway