More Random Quotes

I don't know what to post, so here's some more quotes that I have collected over the years:

"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction makes sense."

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence you tried. If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished."

"Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young."

"Most learn by observation, some learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually touch the fire."

"Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed."

"Next time someone says 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me' hit them with a dictionary and see how they feel."[Author's note, not a dictionary but I have been hit in the face with a thick book. Words do hurt.]

"They say 'if you cant beat them, join them!' Well I say 'if you can't beat them, beat them! Because they will expect you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise."

"There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself AND LOSE you should be worried."

"Did you know that if you say 'whale oil beef hooked' fast enough, you will say 'well I'll be fucked' in an Irish accent?'"

"Never let anyone delerous handle a microwave."