Boredom but…not really?

So just getting straight into the blog this time, I’m getting BORED. Like, not short-term bored, but the kind of boredom that feels like your life is missing something.

I always felt super content with the amount of “stuff” I do. I’m in a sport 3-6 days a week, hang out with friends out of school almost every week, and I keep time for myself anyhow. But this past week I’ve started to feel sort of…restless. It’s the end of my spring break now and I’ve done almost NOTHING. No volleyball or school and I got my wisdom teeth out and that just takes up so much recovery time but at least it gets rid of the constant pain that was causing me another mini depression spiral last month. But all I did all week outside of recovery was hang out with my friends twice. And the second time one friend said something that stuck with me. Here is a little snippet of our convo:

“FRIEND: how is it with your strict parents n all?

ME: My parents aren’t really strict at all 🤷🏽‍♀️

FRIEND: oh so you just like- I mean, you’re a good kid I guess

ME: yeah, I guess so? I just don’t really feel the need to like do a lot. “

This convo has had me thinking “do I want to do more risky stuff?”, “do I want to go party or sneaky link with girls?”, but I honestly haven’t gotten my thoughts on it wrapped up so I figured I could do that here. In all honesty, I don’t like most parties just because I’m so anxious in a calm way. (It may be autism I don’t really know or care at this point T.T) But I hear about all the crazy parts and I almost wish I did enjoy that crowd. Like I don’t want to be there but I kinda just wish that it didn’t feel so separate from me in a way. I’ve always described myself as having a "drama bubble" around me because something really dramatic could have five feet ahead of me, and I'd have no clue. When I was younger, I loved it. It meant no bullying, no fights, no girl drama…but now it's kinda annoying. My whole friend group babies me so bad and Im literally the oldest by damn near a year for half of them. Like they'll be seeing something dirty like a corn joke and laughing, then show it to each other all scandalously, but be like "oh don't show her she's too innocent!!" like we havent all seen the same shit. Like I'm not even the only one with no relationship experience but they act like Im the 12 year old among them like im not about to get my driver's license (¬_¬"). So yeah, superrrrr annoying. Still I don’t want to go do crazy parties or make out anyone in my room for a long while so I guess I just won’t be taken seriously? I can’t with this omfgggg.

Honestly though, I’m super excited to get my license. I’m veryyyy late getting it (coulda tested in January) because I have bad driving anxiety and didn’t drive enough yet.The first few times I drove (WITH my instructor and driving partner, mind you) I literally got so anxious my instructor stopped and had me pull over to breathe me through an anxiety attack 💀. Yea, it was humiliating but not the last time I cried while driving, far from it in fact. BUT ANYWAYS. I can’t wait to drive now because I’ve gotten more comfortable and I want to be able to drive ALONE. Driving alone has always been the big goal for me cause it means I can drive with just me and my friends whenever I want instead of having to wait on my parents or another ride. We can do fun stuff like late night shopping trips or crazier sleepovers n stuff that I am SO ready for. TBH the excitement is partially what’s got me so bored. I can’t wait to do all this more “teenage dream” like stuff and now I feel bored with my current state.

The other part to why I’m so bored is because of my crush. I kinda feel like I don’t want her like that anymore, so I’m feeling less excited to talk crushes with my friends now. I’m usually very content, so it’s honestly a foreign feeling for me to be sad over just not liking anyone right now. Worst part is the last girl I felt I even kind of maybeeeeee had a little crush on outside of my ex-crush, is one of my bestie’s exes. Yeah that’s not gonna happen so I’m super sad cause I finally feel more ready to start dating but I don’t actually have my eye on anyone since the only people I’ve seen the last week have been my close friends I could literally never imagine thinking of that way lol.

So yeah, quick conclusion/TLDR: I’m bored, ready to get my license and go crazy, and I think I might want a girlfriend soon. Hope you all had a lovely Easter if you celebrate and a lovely day if you don’t! Thanks for reading,

Published by Ari

Boredom but…not really?

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