If you saw my last blog you'll know I did a fundraiser which was really out of my comfort zone!!! It ended up going well, selling overpriced things with a smile on my face came surprisingly easily to me. Also, I thought I'd have to work with this girl I don't like :(, she's not bad she's just very very hard to talk to. Thankfully though I was matched with someone else! I ended up talking to some friends cuz they hung out around our booth, and it was nice but I was still a little awkward. I never grew out of censoring myself, because I knew some wild stuff as a young child and now that I'm a teenager I'm like "y'all know what the devils tango is!?!", it's a really shocking change I have no idea how to approach it! So these people are pretty dirty-minded which... I literally am but still, so AWKWARD!!!

Anyway, after that, I went to a game night thing (bored teenagers sitting around and talking to each other,) and usually I just sit and wait for my friends to arrive but I approached someone and asked to join them. Also I finally just went up to these guys who are always playing guitar, I really wanted to learn guitar so obviously I should get to know guitar players but omg I just get so nervous. Something about showing emotion, even just a simple expression of "Hey! I want to get to know you!" makes me incredibly humiliated.

The girl I don't like actually made me realize something. I'm really thoughtful about what I say, almost to my detriment. Of course, that's an important skill to have, but I'd literally be completely alone with a friend and consider like all the pros and cons before I even begin a sentence. So basically I want to practice "yapping,". Also I'm always nervous about coming off as a nerd or an "ermm ascksually!!" type, so I don't talk in detail about my interests. I spend a lot of time waiting for things I like to come up, and when they do I get so excited that I can't get my words together- and then the moment passes. I don't actually have a game plan for that, but I think the "yapping," will influence that.

The sleepover was rescheduled, but it's still a possibility! I have multiple "hangouts" with my friends on my schedule. From big ones like trips to small things like playing a game together online! (I'm a minecraft fiend...) I'm hoping to gain deeper connections, either with people I already know or new ones! I usually keep conversations very surface because uh- I don't have popular beliefs. (I'm in a PWI)