The hole inside of me [tw]

I Always feel sad and empty. No matter how beautiful or funny the Moment Is there Is Something inside of me that still feels alone and empty. I Wish i could Stop to feel this way but i dont even know why i feel Like this. I hate It so much. Its destroying me, but Nobody know It because i Always Smile i dont want anyone to worry about me. It feels Like i could only fill this hole when i Stab a knife in my Belly. If i stab the knife deeper and deeper in my Belly so that i could Just bleed Out, because It feels Like the loneliness and sadness Is in my blood. Like the only way to escape Is to Just let It all Out, Like really everything and mostly my blood. Maybe then this fucking hole inside of me would Be filled and i could Be fully Happy even If It would Just Be for a little Moment before i die. But thats okay If i could Be Happy. And when my brain let me See the best Moments of my Life for 7 minutes maybe then i could finally find happiness and Peace. Because i Just dont want to find Peace in the pain anymore. I Just want to Be Happy even though i know i dont deserve It. I dont want to live with this hole anymore. I Just cant Take It anymore.