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Hi, I'm Zombabi, I'm 16 and basically an involuntary recluse. I only really started socializing at the "end" of the pandemic due to strict parents and general social anxieties. Currently, I have 6 friends, I started with 0 in 2021. Thanks for reading.
Strategies.
I've noticed I'm a complete beginner with socializing, so if I encounter something confusing I go to reddit. Despite my bubbly(fake) personality and cutesy way of dressing I've noticed people giving me weird looks and at one point I was even called intimidating. After careful consideration, it seems to be because I'm black and don't smile a lot. So, for about 2 weeks now I've been smiling more and it seems to really help. I've also realized that I focus on myself way too much, I'm a perfectionist and that sinks into my posture, voice, and personality. It stresses me out greatly but I've started being more relaxed, and ignoring how I might look or sound, instead just saying whatever is on my mind. It's actually been working very well! I think I finally understand what people mean when they say "Just be yourself!".
Goals.
Recently I've been planning my first sleepover with my best friend. As well as some summer activities like going to fairs and whatnot, she's been my milestone friend for a lot of things. (Hanging out unsupervised, Hanging out at my house, seeing a movie together.) and I hope to continue that, however, I don't want to limit myself to one friend and get too relaxed. I've been pushing myself into different clubs and after-school activities, and tomorrow I'm going to sell things for a fundraiser, I'm terrified. There's gonna be a lot of talking to people and handling money which wasn't a super wise decision because I'm bad with numbers, but hopefully, that extra embarrassment will help me get over my fear of socializing.
If you have any questions about how I got out of my shell in the first place, or any tips for socializing that a homeschooled th-reak might not know, please tell me. thanks!
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Hankenhater
Have you figured out how to carry a conversation,
i tend to ask questions since people really love to talk about themselves, but i dont have any good responses when they do awnser. it seems like having to respond with some sort of funny remark is a requirement if you want them to get interested in talking back, but how do you tend to respond to people, idk if thats vauge but like i think what i mean is, what do you try to add to a conversation
and for your fundraiser if you are working with other people you guys can focus on seperate things so you all dont feel too overwhelmed, but thats probably obvious lol good luck with that stuff though man
by Hankenhater; ; Report
Thanks for the advice and thats a good question. I've found with me, I very rarely am able to be humorous with people I've just met, I mainly interact with other homeschoolers so I'm sure that affects things. But usually I just go back and forth asking questions until it leads to one of us telling a story, which can end up getting into a deep serious subject or something lighthearted and funny. basically, I just try not to force anything and just talk about what I or the other person is in the mood for yk? And a lot of times when I make people laugh I wasn't actually making a joke, I'd just point something out or tell a story. Like recently I was complimenting someone's writing and I said "It's like being on a rollercoaster!" while doing hand motions and ig something abt how silly and relaxed that was made people laugh. So I'm always following along in conversations and trying to stay really genuine.
by ZomBabi; ; Report
oh yea that makes way more sense well thank you for the advice aswell :P
by Hankenhater; ; Report