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feeling sad
It's cold, my fingers hurt and I have trouble writing but what else
can I do when I'm not supposed to have these self-destructive ideas
anymore?
Once again, like a clock, I fall back into my old habits. Is there any hope left for me? If there was, would I deserve it?
When I read
my thoughts, I can't help but feel ashamed, these same thoughts were
already voiced by someone at 9 years old while living in a much harder
home than mine, someone at 12 years old trying to find meaning in life,
someone at 16 years old thinking of reasons to keep going and yet I see
these issues as things never seen before, like they're the newest
discovery of the British Museum, as if my mind were a Pandora's box.
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jaredlol
( that other comment was a test sorry ) Im just a little confused when I read this. im in a similar boat to yours. im 19, fresh out of highschool just searching for a way to build a life worth living. it sounds to me like you have convinced yourself that the all of the happiness and good times that you can and will experience are all behind you. I know its easy to think that if your feeling bad in the moment its just always going to feel this way. but the great thing about life is that we can take it all day by day. everyday is full of opportunities to try something new. like for example, maybe im depressed and just play league of legends all day like a slob. well maybe the next day i could switch up the food i normally eat, maybe i could put down that game of league and switch to a new game, like hollowknight for example. and slowly but surely i fill my life with new experiences, getting a better understanding of the things i like, dont like until i discover a passion inside of me that i never knew i had. for me personally i was stuck in a hole around 11th grade where i would just go to school, get home, and play league of legends (gross i know) but once summer rolled around i saw my dad had a camera laying around that he would use for family photos and all that. and in that moment i was like "yeah why not, lets go take some pictures". after that moment on i would go out with my brother and try to take cooler pictures than the last time. we would try and use cool light patterns or do funny facial expressions, anything to make the pic new and unique. over time we kept doing it every now and then and i realized that i kind of had a passion for it. and now its 2 years later and my photography is my biggest source of pride and confidence. (im sorry for making the part at the end all about me but i think its a good example for my point that there are always new opportunities in life, opportunities that could completely shift your way of thinking, maybe even bring you the happiness that you desire. all you need is an open heart and be accepting of change)
I'm turning 20 in a few days, currently studying at university, and although I'm having a great time meeting new people, those moments are overshadowed by my thoughts. I don't know why, I've always had them; since I was 11, I've had a gray cloud over my head.
Among all the responsibilities, it's hard for me to expose myself to new experiences, and I can't keep clinging to having just one group of friends that I can hardly see. I know at the end of the day it's up to me to find a new passion, to form bonds, to try to shake off these feelings that have haunted me since I was a child, but the first step always seemed the hardest to me (ᴗ_ ᴗ。)
Still, I'm going to try to do the same thing you did, change small things in my routine, see what things awaken new interests that I didn't know I had.
I hope tomorrow is a better day.
Thank you very much for the advice, and don't worry about sharing your experience; it really helped me understand your point. <3
by ひきこちゃん; ; Report
here's a good youtuber who's helped me a lot with understanding my childhood trauma https://www.youtube.com/@patrickteahanofficial
by jaredlol; ; Report
jaredlol
hello
hello :]
by ひきこちゃん; ; Report