vent, lol

so my parents found out things they shouldn't have not too long ago, and now my privacy is gone, i have to go to counsellors, and a lot more. And you know what's even worse? I'm beginning to feel like they're making the house hot on purpose so I have to wear short sleeves. All my freedom is gone, I feel suffocated, I feel like reaching out to my friends will just make them annoyed, I don't want to trust counsellors and therapists, I want to keep lying that I'm okay, I just want to go back to my normal life. I wish I never got a manicure, I wish I wore long sleeves that day, I wish my mom was sitting on the opposite side of me, I wish I covered up with makeup, I wish I cut on better areas. To be honest I don't think I'll ever feel happy again. But things will get worse if I tell anybody, my parents will suffocate me even more, life will never be the time. I wish I just jumped out that window. Mom went through my stuff and found my other blade, what am i supposed to do now? Why am I just expected to become the happy act I put on around my parents if I'm being suffocated? If I'm not allowed to watch the things i like if I'm not even able to do anything without you worrying?

started this at night, just finished it