sup! #2

its weird how my " friends" judge everything i do.. 

nothing is ever good enough..

they dont like my car, the fact that i still feel like going out for some drinks probably get drunk idk, they judge my relationship, how i live, how sometimes im broke, cant afford to travel, eat at expensive places, go on road trips etc.. 

in fact they sound more like enemies and not my friends.

friends are supposed to give you good advice, lift you up. if one day they see you struggling or just having a shit day you would expect them not to judge you or make fun of you with a smart ass comment instead try and lift your spirits up!! ( if your already having a shit day why add more to it right?)

ive had moments in which ive been publicly humiliated by one of them. i remember sobbing once i got home from the embarrassment i had just gone through. 

lets not forget the times ive hosted get togethers at my place having to pick up after them once they left at 6 or 7 am ( clean up vomit from my carpet ). or times when i would buy everything for a planned get together and no one showed up... to which i never got an apology for either both of those situations btw. or the time i got robbed by one of my so called best friend.

somehow i make a mistake and im not worth speaking to and its very annoying and just plain sad to be the one that still looks for them when in fact they show no signs of interest in me. i guess cause ive known them for so long letting go has probably been the hardest thing to do.. 

its probably confusing and weird how i would still want to look for them after all the negative things ive just posted..

answer is probably dumb and simple. ive known them for soo many years weve done stupid shit together and at times had crazy fun. i considered them more like family... then again it was probably " i " that thought of them that way... 

ill give it a couple more days to finally let go.. but for now

im mourning the death of the good memories.