Im sad so im writing out my feelings on the internet

I miss him like hell. Like absolute hell. I don’t know what he thinks of me anymore and that idea alone kills me. I want closure, I tried to get closure but he had already moved on with his life. It’s whatever really. I’m still young and he probably wasn’t the love of my life. But I wanted him to be. No matter what anyone else said I loved this boy. So much. Even if he didn’t treat me well, it was good enough for me to stay. He read me a bedtime story. He didn’t have to, but he knew it would help me sleep. I think about that frequently. I don’t think anyone else had done something like that for me. I feel like such a fucking sucker. I was just a goth girl that would peg him or whatever. Maybe he did really love me. I didn’t feel like he did. I tried to believe it, but I couldn’t. Even so why do I miss him like this. Why must I be attached. I hope to move on soon. This isn’t fair. All I want is to be held in his arms. But that’ll never happen again. I fell for a nerd that cared more about his rank than me isn’t that fucking stupid? I’m such a fucking loser my GOD. FUCKKK! I miss him. Whether it was the relationship or him it just miss it all. I just hope I’m not forgotten, I don’t care if he hates me or feels embarrassed about it, I hope I was at least meaningful. I hope I did something right for him. All I know for sure is that I miss him.