Long Distance Relationships..

My longest relationship was long distance but also there was a lot of deception on both of our ends... And after 9 months, I think I'm finally ready to say goodbye. This isn't easy for me to do at all though it should be fairly easy. 

It's not that I'm so in love but rather I've had an issue with control throughout this entire relationship. Mainly he turned out to be a pathological liar and I, ...well I'll just leave that to the imagination. 

I've come to several conclusions at the end of this. 

Firstly, I'm not really fit to be in any relationship at all and quite frankly, I don't want to be. This has been the most stressful 9 months of my entire life. I miss having freedom to do as I please, you know? Throughout this whole ordeal, I've had anxiety as well, which I won't miss. I almost made a foolish mistake and lost my virginity to this guy. What the HELL was I thinking of?!

I have also come to the conclusion that long distance relationships are not for me. No offense to anyone in them but I don't connect to them as a real thing. You meet someone online for the first time, think you're in love with them...then you have to meet the for the first time in person, which has the potential to shatter all of your illusions that caused you to feel those feelings on the internet.

This just registers as ridiculous to me. You truly don't know each other. From here on out, I only prefer in person men and women. I can flirt a little here and there online but taking it any further will register as very silly and unreasonable to me. 

We literally do not know each other well enough to say, "I love you" and be serious about it. Also, usually long distance people are hiding something from each other and usually one or both has a track record of meeting and picking up people from the internet. 

The entire thing is just ludicrous to me at this point. 

Yet, it's so hard to let this person go because we have not gone one day without talking and he's become my bestfriend. We played games together all of the time, (mainly Destiny 2) and have been through a lot. We had a really intense relationship.

However, it was a huge mistake on my end and I'm mad at myself for allowing it to go on for so long. It's not necessarily because he was trash but we both were in a lot of ways and in the end, it wasn't worth any of the anxiety attacks or tears. 

Anyways, I'm ending this. I'm going to move on eventually. I have to pretend he's never existed and remove any trace of him from my devices. 

That's just the way it is.