Bulletin Archive.

this is a rambling bulletin.
feel free to ignore it or comment, the choice is yours.

basically me talking about realizing that i'm not 14 anymore,
being a child on the internet, and the dangers that inevitably come with it -
along with my own experiences, and the fact that i'm growing up.

i joined this site 2 days ago - without really knowing what the point of it was at first, honestly. i just found the customization options very cool, and then realized i had to make friends... which isn't exactly my forte.

but i honestly really like this website, along with the people on it, and i've been having fun playing around with html (for the first time) and making myself a profile i like the look of. 


but to clarify the title of this bulletin, the feeling of being old came from the amount of users of 13-14 years old i've seen on this site, and realizing that, even if i'm not old at all, i'm not 14 anymore. that was three whole years and many months ago. i'm not who i was anymore - in every way, honestly; my personality, my identity, my sense of self all changed during these past years, as well as many of my interests and friends... which i'm actually not really sad about. i'd like to think i've evolved, changed positively, grown into a person my younger
self would aspire to be. of course, yes, there were some downsides to growing up - my depression worsened, i became more isolated, my health declined... all of which resulted
in my ultimate academic fallout and (temporary) dropping out of college,
of which i'll perhaps ramble about as well one day.

back to the main topic - i've seen 13 years old on this website, and i couldn't help but be reminded of the times i was thirteen on the internet, with unlimited access to content that could be both good and bad, and an exposure to various demographics of people who would forge my childhood for the better or the worse. i don't miss this part of my life - being too exposed to the deranged userbase and content of certain parts of the internet, being an autistic kid who needed the attention he couldn't obtain in his daily life and instead left himself exposed (figuratively) to potential dangers for the sake of assuaging his poor self-esteem. don't misunderstand, i'm not bashing my younger self - i was a child with problems i couldn't always control.

am i worried about these kids? yes, like i'm worried about teenagers below 14 on any other social platform on the internet. but, well, i joined this site two days ago. i'm not exactly familiar with the userbase yet, and whether or not being young on here is dangerous. but... from seeing people talk about gore accounts and harassment in blogs, it gives me the slightest clue that i should indeed be worried. because god, if there's something i regret, it's being on the internet at the age i was - yes, it made me who i am today, but the bad memories strongly overpower the good ones - i liked learning new things, playing games online and watching the whole fairy tail anime on youtube, but the exposure to traumatizing content and predatory users isn't something i wish on any other child, ever.

i can't help but wonder what it would be like if my 13 year old self made a spacehey account...there would probably be way too much personal information about myself that the internet doesn't need to know, and a lot of frogs everywhere... i can't be sure if i'd actually chat with other people, though. i believe i was still quite shy, even at that age - even if i don't have much memories from before 1-2 years ago, for some reason - and i can't really imagine myself striking up conversations with strangers, even at thirteen.

i don't really interact with people younger than 15 here - even with common interests, the maturity gap is something that, to me, seems both uncomfortable and draining. maybe that's what people felt when talking to me on the web, when i was a kid? who knows. they didn't know my real age - always lied about it..! which i don't encourage, today, and now understand it's something i shouldn't have done - it gave me access to spaces i shouldn't have gone into, with people i should never have spoken to.

so, yes, i'm worried about children on the internet, basically,
and i'm realizing i'm not that anymore. i now know how to keep myself safe, not to share too much about me with strangers, that i don't need everybody to know my whole life story online. and it feels weird, being older and looking back at the child i was when i was on skype, or amino, or even youtube... and see how much i needed attention from other users all the time, when now, i'm writing paragraphs to myself for a bulletin nobody will read, and spend my day on my profile html for a layout nobody cares about. and yet, i'm not bothered at all by the fact that no one cares about who i am, or what i write, or what my profile looks like. because i'm doing it for the fun of it, instead of trying to satisfy some craving for attention and approval from people i don't know. 
i grew up! and honestly, it's a very good thing. yes, i'm realizing time flies by quickly, thinking that i'm not 14 anymore... i'm not 15, or 16... and in a few months, i won't be 17, anymore, either.
i'm growing up.

if you did read all of this...
send me a song recommendation, maybe?

03.28.2024 : spring playlist

spring playlist
spring 2024

hello, spacehey

i'm sorry for my inactivity this past week, i am chronically depressed.
but i'm also chronically groovy! so here's a playlist i'm making.

spring is coming, even if the snow still lies around where i live.
i don't really care for spring - i like winter and autumn more.
but i think all seasons have potential for melancholic car rides
if you and your life are sad enough, and mine is. so here is my
playlist to listen to while sitting in the passenger seat
and feeling utterly miserable.

also,
happy easter, whenever it is,
to people who enjoy chocolate,
not christians.

warning, i may have the music taste of a fifty year old man.
but still, give it a listen... you can even scrutinize my spotify
and judge my taste. (good luck with that,
there's everything in there)

feel free to recommend some songs!
i might add them. or not...

click on the charm down below for
the playlist, and some good luck.

up to date.