My static desert 🎀☠️

he drains me for i live but to replenish him, forever a fountain to drain my soul and suck me dry. feeling me for more spots to drink, to feed on, to quench his thirst. i only want to feed him. i’ve only ever wanted his heart, his heart who’s beat i tracked in my mind, felt on my cheek. if only i could be able to nestle my skin closer into that little beat. that little tiny vibration of proof i never got from plush or snow. that he was a living breathing boy who can convince the cruelty inside me that someone, a living breathing someone, wanted to love me, or to cure the winter that creeps and lurks and darkens my inside world. He lifted the filthy bloodmine deathfield dystopian hellscape inside me to a frigid, quiet desert. where nothing exists but a boy standing in its wake. he who drank the blood. and the filth. the war and sunshine and joy. he filled himself with everything. i have nothing left but the desert. it was a static desert. it was all black and white and it was without point, or dimension. just a boy. a boy who i love. and he is full of me. he took away my endless crashing seas, my insurmountable waves of grief that penetrates my face and twist it into an incurable frown. my smiles. my earthquakes. my crises. my sadnesses. my joys. my beauty. my beloved beauty, he ate it. and my sweet pure innocent girlhood. give me my girlhood back. it was all i really had. in this evil static quiet desert that is my soul i would walk forever, however, with you. my boy.