How social media has affected me

The internet was a way to build my personality, interests and fashion. This was after continued bullying from an ex-friend of mine who considered me to be 'outdated'. I embarrassingly thought that if I changed everything about myself to fit a specific group of people online them and everyone else in my social circle would like me for 'me'. I really felt like Cassie in season 2 of Euphoria. Even got a blonde wig!

I spent a large sum of money following all of the new trends on TikTok, buying hauls of Shein, completely redecorating my room and abandoning all of my previously loved hobbies and interest for 'trendier ones'.

Stopped listening to 2000s music as it was considered 'OldSkool'. The indie music I listened to was seen as laughable. Yung Lean was seen as a joke. 

I went out to social events excessively at the expense of my bank account which led to many consequences down the line. I envied all the people going out and having a good time on social media and felt jealous. I wanted to show off to my peers in secondary school that I was 'cool, hot and popular' now and that I had a bunch of friends and money and wasn't the same sad loser that I was back then. Even to my close childhood friends. I look back at this now as a funny moment and a lesson learnt to not perform for people on social media again as I will still feel empty and hollow and won't receive that validation from my peers or my friends.