IGKM

I am 16 years old and I think my life is super boring, I am Latina, I live in my country (there is nothing nice in my city) and I am anxious to even breathe, I am tired of this life., I don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, I don't know anything and the university is here, I don't know what I'm going to do with my life, but I think it's too long, I don't know. I don't have something interesting to aspire to, I honestly live because I breathe and I'm afraid of committing suicide. If it were up to me, it was clearly something like a hamster or something.

But I think I can get over it, I could never leave my mom alone, at least not by my own hand, maybe I should think more about myself, maybe I should be selfish but there is no way I can make her carry that. guilt, I'm afraid of thinking that then there's nothing, that maybe I'm not going to find THAT person who makes me feel normal, that I'm going to leave everything behind because I'm a little coward or a little lazy, I can't do it, although in Days like today anxiety suffocates me, it doesn't let me be well, it doesn't let me think well, I want to sleep but I can't either.

I don't know what to do to feel better, I've tried everything, pleasure, food, alcohol, cigarettes, psychologists and medicine, sometimes I'm fine for a long time, but out of nowhere I don't feel better anything or I just want to cry. I want to grow up, stop being like this and maybe life will become something nice, something I want to keep for a long time, which makes me feel like I hate birthdays because they bring me closer to death.

I'm tired and don't know what else to try.

What should I do?