had a dream

had a dream where i was going back home, then as i got to the train station, turns out half of it was split into two stadiums, each holding a concert with millions of people. so each platform was a stadium, but the stadium was much bigger than an actual platform. i go to the first one, end up enjoying it, but leave bc of the sheer amt of people (like millions). i don't remember who was playing. i walk out, back to the station, visit the second station (which is now miles away from the first one for some reason, think from london to dorset, and i'm walking this distance), and realise that this one is wayyyyyyy better than the other one.

after a bit, i realise i probs should go home now, but end up venturing further down the town. after like, 2 hours, i try to find my way back to london, but realise i'm in fact, lost. and at this point it's gone from 3pm to 5pm, but i tell myself i can lie to mum and say i was late bc school finished later, as it often does on mondays.

i look and realise i see the 157 bus driving by (mind you this is outside london, so could never be the case), and get super excited bc it means i can just take that bus all the way back home, from dorset to london.

i wait abt an hour and i never see that bus again.

another hour.

eventually, i walk into some random person's house that i kind of know and trust for some reason idk, we go into an old abandoned house, looking for someone who would know whether the 157 actually ran here. inside this old house, we see the call logs of the owner, seeing that the last time they ever called anyone was a decade ago. so it's either they're dead or they've moved. we realise that they've moved, but their friends are dead. we sift through their pictures and stay in the house for a bit of time, visiting other abandoned houses (every house in that neighbourhood ends up being abandoned except from ours for some reason), until i look at my watch and realise it's 10pm (there's no way i'll be able to explain this to my mum, and atp travelling from dorset to london would take like hours, so i contemplate whether or not to just sleep at this house or start moving). at some point, i start to feel a strange, eerie feeling around this stranger, and realise that i'd probs just get into wayyy more trouble, and cause my mum more worry if i wait a whole 12 hours sleeping, so i leave the house.

for some reason, it looks like i've spent the night there anyways, bc when i leave, the sky is bright blue even though it's like 11pm, and the sun is out and shining, people (like 2, nobody else), walk around (i did not sleep overnight, the sky just happens to look like that btw). i follow these 2 ppl around, hoping i might end up finding the bus stop for the 157, and then stop jussssst at the top of a huge cliff/hill that leads down, a seemingly endless abyss that actually ends with a great, random body of water. this is in the middle of a road, mind you. (and i have a fear of water lol). i am now opposite these people, they're on the other side. at the bottom (which i nearly fell down into), there's a small amount of flowers, diff colours. this provides no basis to the dream, i just wanted to point that out. they just stare at me, and for the whole time, they never move from that spot, they just stand there, and look down, like mannequins or smth.

this continues as i walk around the town desperately, crying and homesick, i eventually come back to the "cliff/hill", and stare down into the bottom one last time after several others, wondering how many people have accidentally fell in, until i see a bright red bus rush right by and plunge straight down into the bottom of the water (the hill is verrrrry steep and long, like the descent of a rollercoaster). i conclude (rightfully so), that this must have been purposeful, and rest on the motive as that of suicide.

in a fit of sadness, i realise that there is no 157 running through this town, and that the bus i saw must have been an isolated case, related to one of these "suicide drivers". despondent and desperate, i walk further east, to the "town centre" (the sky is nice and clear and bright rn), and i just see a huge ditch in the middle. it's wide but shallow. somehow, buses, random ones, the 157, the 21, the 64, all just spawn out of this ditch and drive straight down towards the water. these are real drivers, real people. choosing to do this freely. apart from them, the buses are empty.

i wonder to myself why so many bus drivers are taking part in such willful suicide, and i also start getting extra homesick as i wonder when i'll ever see my mum again. meanwhile, i can no longer tell what time it is.

i think to myself: huh, this is really sad and really weird.

then i wake up. and thank goodness for that.