Procrastination

But like, it's weird, I can sit there and watch random "study with me!" videos, and "how to stop procrastinating" and whatever other productivity focused videos, and feel so motivated to start on the stuff I have to do and then two seconds later I feel dead tired.

Or I go "even if I'm tired I'm going to do this thing that I desperately have to do" and then I look back at the clock and it's taken me 5 hours to complete 5 minutes worth of work. If I've even actually managed to follow through and attempt the work.

Idk school is frustrating I'd just rather learn "how to write an essay" not be thrown into making a billion essays until I get it right under time conditions without any reference for the stuff I am literally required to include when that's not how real things work. Or for Chem and Bio "Here's some theory material to read up on, tell me how you've understood it, I'll correct you, but it's not under time conditions or marked, and then do some hands on stuff and we'll make sure you're learning how to apply the theory correctly" because I'm meant to be learning... I feel like I have learned more about how not to break down crying in exams than I have actually learnt real things.

And I know this is a common "cringe teenagers with no work ethic" type of stance, but realistically it just doesn't work, because it doesn't matter whether I have or haven't learnt what they expect me to, as long as I can just write it all correctly I'll keep passing.

I'm so damn tired I want to learn everything, and really learn it, but I'm not allowed to do that until I've finished pretend learning for long enough.