Mom said same things again :/ TW: sa, abusive family, transphobia

She came to room and said trans/homophobic things and talked about that one day again. That day was 4 months ago and I did right thing by calling police and lawyer before that day but my family is crazy and blamed me and some guys. Sister revealed she was cyberstalking me and now I have some things private. 

Today mom said I should be myself and become girly. I let her do nail polish on me once and she didn’t remove it after. Now I didn’t let her. She asked me to do white nail polish myself so I would feel girly, she doesn’t understand I can’t be what she wants. She asked me if I think it’s good that girl who was my classmate likes a girl. She said that girl punished her mom by becoming lesbian wtf and that her mom hided things about her job on Facebook and flew to Germany form embarasment. I have no expression when she acts like this and don’t know how to react

I lie to her a lot cause she won’t change her mind but this time I told her some things i actually think and only agreed on having hair pin tomorrow but I’ll remove it. She can’t find out. If she cared about me she would be worried about dad who molested me, she wouldn’t sa me, lie about other people and would accept me. I had signs of being trans for long time and when I told her that she tried to change me with girly appearance in middle school she said something like ''yes, I noticed you had mental illness and I didn’t want that'' that’s not love. My family doesn’t love me and they’re not even a family after all these. She asked me to hug her and dad sometimes and I don’t want that. She made me hug dad and he slapped my backside. I hate my family