a nostalgia for a time i cannot remember

we deep cleaned the kitchen a few days ago. the table is clear enough for us all to eat at for the first time in a while. everyone else had dinner together. i ate in my room. 

at one point i heard my name...well..deadname i suppose. they name they know me as.

they were talking about how when i was little i found a caterpillar. one that would turn into a monarch butterfly. so we put it in a little kit we had, and watched it form it's chrysalis. apparently we didn't get to see it emerge, as it did it during the night. i don't remember any of it. it would have been more than a decade ago i suppose. still. there is a sort of... sadness about it. that time has gone. when i was a happy, carefree child. 

I'm not that anymore.