self improvement !! hashtag growth

so ive been kinda upset about my boyfriends ex gf bc i never really felt like i could compare, even tho their relationship was like shit but i still. it wasnt like an obsession, i js got kinda sad from time to time bc shes like really good at drawing and she drew some stuff from him when they dated and he as it on his wall bc the art is like rlly good. i never realy got a good look on it bc ive always seen it from distance (like 1,5 meters) and im like blind so i never really saw the details. im gonna come back to this later.

i used to check her reposts on tik tok quite a lot, bc i never talked to her and i have literally no idea how is she like, so i tried to kinda get an idea of how she might be like by basically stalking her reposts. all i found out that shes painfully unfunny, and one of those lowkey annoying ppl. which kinda upsets me bc i tought shes like kinda cool in her own way but nevermind, i completely lost that impression of her. i dont really wanna hate on her bc thats js not what i do,these r js my observations. ofc i cant judge someone entirely by their stupid reposts. but! i can certainly tell what kind of humor she has thanks to them. (lets just say i dont find it funny at all). like, i knew she wasnt funny bc my boyfriend mentioned once that their humor didnt really match ( me and my bf have a very similiar humor, so im assuming she doesnt match mine aswell, and checking her reposts confirmed it for me). 

yh so i was kinda like rlly trying to figure out how shes like, which kinda made me think abt her quite a lot and then i found myself checking her reposts everyday. which just sounds bad and i didnt want to do that anymore but i didnt know how to stop ''obsessing'' over her, but then stuff changed. it actuallly happend yesterday. we were at my bfs place and he was like playing some games and i often sit on his lap when he plays but i got up to charge my phone, and the charger is like right next to his bed, and the art she drew for him is right above the bed. so i walked over there and i had a chance to look at it rlly close. i never really wanted to look at it infront of him bc he once told me that hes gonna take them down bc its like weird to have drawings from his ex on his wall and i told him that they r actually really nice and that he should keep them there, bc i dont mind anyway. the truth is that i was actually kinda sad that im not as good as her at drawing (which lowkey makes sense bc shes been at art school for 2yrs but still) and it kinda made me not want to draw anymore and i was js thinking abt these drawings quite a lot and it always made me sad thinking abt them bc my drawings will never be as good as hers. well until i got a closer look. i had the perfect chance to get a good look bc i was like behind him and he probably wouldnt turn away from the game. im like super blind so the drawings looked absolutelly flawless from afar (1,5 meters), but when i saw all the details and everything i stated seeing all the imperfections that i never tought would be there. im not saying the drawing was bad, it was really nice but it wasnt as flawless as i expected. and thats the moment i realised i could do the same, maybe even better if i was on an art school for 2 years aswell, plus all the years that ive been drawing.

this realisation felt like being set free from a lonely rusty tiny cage. i dont even have the urge to stalk her reposts anymore. my mind has calmed down so much and im not living thru an endless torture that my brain made me went thru everyday anymore !! I HAVE FINLLY BEEN SET FREE X3 !

i honestly think that there is a deeper meaning as to why this made me move on from her. not sure how to specify it tho. all i know is that i feel much, MUCH better now. its like my mind have been cured