🌈 i am tired

I don't understand why he started talking to me again, why did he get my hopes up again if I didn't want anything? Why did he make those promises to me if they mean nothing to him? Anyway, I'm just stupid for believing him again, I'm satisfied with just seeing him, today I went to look for him after school and I didn't find him, I know he's waiting for me, I know he still loves him. me, he still remembers me, he still loves me. He promised, he made me that promise, I know he's good, I know he's not a liar, he's not bad, I wish I hadn't ruined it, he's just a little tired, I want him to tell me what it took for him to want to be with me. forever, it is killing me little by little, physically and mentally, I have not eaten for two days and I don't think I will do it for weeks, it has simply ruined me forever.

why am I so stupid?