boring life blog, linear time is a parasite to documentation of all things living

happy 2:05am

i dont pay for my groceries but at least im not banned from tesco like everyone else

i dont really know why things happen, i cant do anything about them, im in the backseat of the car i could say, i dont drive my own life, im in one of those brand new self driving cars, my brain is modern and high tech!

are self driving cars even legal in this country? never seen one but i am in a shitty little town after all

i also have to leave in 3 months, landlord is too fucking lazy to evict me so he says i have to leave within 3 months or im getting evicted, i have a rough idea of where i could live, could just do a house swap with one of those flats by the doctors, we only just fixed most the things that were broken when we moved in, i say we but i moved in a lot later because my roommate was just my friend that was also my neighbour but then suddenly i couldnt be trusted to live alone

the flat i lived in before had mould growing from the carpets, walls and everywhere that id clean away, never knew the source so itd come back after a few days and nobodys lived in it for months now, probably has mushrooms now

im becoming increasingly gayer lmao

when i cant sleep i eat broccoli, an entire broccoli, its yummy

weather, shit as usual, its the south west so of course it is, went to porthleven to be hit by waves as usual since thats the most interesting thing i can do here thats legal, went to the pier and got swept over, almost fell into the sea, heard theres a police car in the water that has a dead body in back when cars were allowed there, would love to see that some day but its too unsafe and clouded with sewage to do some form of scuba diving or whatever works for that

i keep reminding myself that recovery is not linear, im going to relapse a few times as i already have but i dont know how long i can do this for, might have to live with a friends friend in the scilly isles just to stay away from that stuff, have to keep reminding myself to not give up the second i touch that shit but i think i already have given up, could just be in denial

my roommate introduced me to lapfox so ive been listening to that recently

i dont use spacehey to socialize, im a blogger

im staring through the eye of a sewing needle i use to fix and modify my own clothes, its been through a lot that ive been through too, ive used it for all sorts, actually sewing, cleaning my ears (gross), cleaning the lines in the plastic of the ps2, that phase when i would embroider stuff on my hand for some reason, having it left on the floor and getting it stuck in my foot, the days im too sad, trying to fix my eyesight, digging the plaque out my teeth when i cant afford toothpaste, etc. 

my back is soooooo dry and itchy rn!! its because of all the bugs everywhere that were here when i moved in, yes ive tried bug spray, all sorts of brands theyre like immune, many are probably biting me right now, i think its fleas? thats why ive not got any pets to avoid being alone, dont want them to have fleas too

found some of my "ex"s stuff under my bed, not sure if we were even dating in the first place or if it was one of those whole fwb things, ive got his lighter, axe deodrant, a singular glove, sim card packaging, zip lock bags, oh yeah i do infact think hes a drug dealer, he never sold to me but i do wish he did so i couldve got "clean" a bit earlier

cheers to feeling the exact same

my jeans are baggy enough to be fully soaked in rain water, it isnt a fashion statement, very annoying actually, just too long, maybe i have short legs?

yes i own a singular pair or jeans, dont think theres any reason to have multiple

drop me off outside tesco camborne and ill come back dead because the staff dont like me at all

theres a picture of me on the internet somewhere holding a fake sword prop at my old friends house, la dispute poster behind me, wish i could find it, was a hardcore wikipedia editor at the time

i dont think that "hardcore" and "wikipedia editor" go together TBH.

want to subliminally send my ex my spacehey so he can read about himself in these blogs i write, not sure how though, hey perran if you eventually read this, you're a massive twat and owe me money that you can afford to pay me back instantly when im over here not even able to afford my half of the rent

hes not the worst person ive been with but ill wait until i can afford some kind of therapy to even remember anything about that, basically im taking everything to my grave if i ever get one, i dont think ill never be loved enough by anyone for them to me a grave even if its one of those shitty ones thats just a plank of wood, could just rebel against the funeral industry and throw myself off a cliff but ive not get enough energy for that

im too negative sorry about that

should add some graphics to my blog to cheer it up a bit

kinda wanna dye my hair green

a few days ago i got locked out and was stuck soggy in the rain for 4 hours, i dont give up when its something simple i want, i need to sort that

i want to get myself addicted to milk or something stupid just to keep myself away from all that, ive tried putting tobacco in milk but that just makes me smoke more so i dont know what will work, i smoke a normal amount so im not too bothered ill probably work on stopping that once i work on stopping doing cheap drugs which im already working on and then ill probably work on stopping drinking after that

i actually like the taste of earwax, weird and random thing for me to say but i think thats unique

i do prefer regular wax, sometimes i buy myself one of those £1 long candles just to eat it, i wish i was joking

i think that i should Not think about anything. At all.

i got a disposable camera and took some photos but nowhere in town actually sorts them anymore so its just in a box right now, not sure what to do with it

the whole flat is covered in wires floor to ceiling

i should log in to my old newgrounds account

people only buy dominoes pizza for the novelty

2024 is the year of the parasite

not the biggest fan of being blamed for not fighting back

by the way, i say some odd things on my blogs but if i ever die then i wont just go online, made a deal with my friend that if any of us die we will both go on eachothers computers and post it everywhere

i havent actually spoke to him since 2016 because i threw up on his yucca plant he spent a lot of money on but i guarantee hed still so it

i need to eat more but i cant afford to !! i lack in many vitamins and as prices are going up i will soon be a starving victorian chimney sweep

my god mirrors are scary, i have no fear of actual mirrors, just what they reflect

if god is real please make me a gamer girl ... am i or am i not joking ? 

i could taste the sky if i really wanted to, i could do anything ive ever dreamt of, i could get a job, have enough motivation to do fucking recycling which is something nobody does, go to the pub and talk to people more, go on hikes but i cant do anything right now, maybe some day

if life really gets fucked up ill do a self titled blog or something, all is fine for now, i just rant about things but everything is ok

i am a dead man walking

i think im too schizophrenic to do anything -_- booooooo i wonder if i can apply for dla since ive got an actual diagnosis and need the money

i dont think i could ever live without my roommate, i hope we move to the same place, i want to waste more days just sat next to him pretending im staring at the tv as well but really im just staring at him 

thats a weird thing for me to say isnt it and a bit gay very gay actually fuuck

i feel sympathy for anyone thats ever wronged me because of how long i hold a grudge for

im like an empty snail shell, inside this shell im dead but outside im just whats left of a long lonely life that nobodys ever known about except my snail friends that are all gone

ive said something similar to my ex, i hope he thinks of me every time he sees a snail, i know what he did to me haunts him every time he sees those touristy leaflet since he wrote a whole public rant about me before cutting all contact

ah i just dont seem to move on do i

in a decade ill still be thinking about him of course, ive never changed and never will. i dont want to write about him anymore but i will.

nobody will ever read this i think, except me of course

god i wish i were a jellyfish

love me some britpop, hate self checkout tills, simple as 

song of the blog