Born to like mean men forced to like sweeties.

whenever i talk to a guy they're so damn nice to me like gone are the times of being a horrible person. Like what do mean u want to get to know me? you want to meet me? u don't wanna take me home straight away? what do u mean you want to grab drinks on you? what do you mean how was my day?

i didnt know they could be so lovely and it scares the shit out of me and i dont even know why!!!!!!! Like i dont even know i feel like i can never accept these angels. 

This is such a wierd feeling because my whole life ive just believed i was a lesbian and didnt even like consider that i could even ever possibly talk to or like a guy - like i just completely forgot them as options and now im kinda seeing a side to guys i never seen before. its just wierd now bc i just dont know how to talk to a guy or compliment them or what im even supposed to do with them or not do? and i feel so inexperienced for my age and everything like i am so behind i dont even know if they would understand or if i could even catch up.

it might help if i add context to like why i never seen guys as an option: i grew up with like a wierd environment where i was sort of taught to believe that all men are bad and evil and everything bad in the world comes from them, and then also experienced trauma at the hands of a few men in my life. 

i dont know if anyone else ever has this issue or not but its just wrecking my head so much.