[M-Bl] Hiatus, Return, Future

Been a while, huh ? I've both been up to a lot, and not as much as I feel is a justifiable amount to be gone this long. Don't care too much about intro word count to look pretty for something like this. Let's just talk about life.

My last post was in November 2023, and this started an unusual trend in my life of, a weird amount of traveling after years of being locked up in a room with few avenues of escape. In retrospect, I feel like my existence needed it very badly, but it was also exhausting in more subtle ways I wasn't fully aware of. Certain interests became less of a focus, others were given an unexpected dose of energy.





One that's manifested itself at top gear presently is getting back into art. I don't really talk much about my art to open audiences that aren't explicitly seeking it out, but I've been scribbling about since late 2018, with the only major hiatus being most of 2022.

Problem is, most of the things I draw I feel don't appeal to the type of person I would run into randomly. It always feels like my work needs a lot of prefacing, explaining, justifying, and when I only draw for myself and those closest to me in the present day, it becomes a little hard to just outwardly talk about it, to justify my own creations.





Look, I've been real close to the furry community since 2017. It was the reason I started taking an actual interest in making art, making everything. For as many critiques as you can hurl at such a nebulous entity, there's a powerful core of creativity within, and through challenging that, engaging with it for so long, I feel like I've been able to accept what I like to create the most.

I spent a very long time creating, drawing for others, their attention and approval. Now that I'm finally past all that consuming me, it leaves me in the strange state of knowing there's likely people out there that would like to see the strange things I draw, but not having the desire to share the things I create, because I'm just making it all for myself.

Need to find a balance, because I've already accepted that I'll be making things until the day I die.





I feel like I should speak up with what's going on with my blogs and such. [M-Bl] will always just be where I go back to with thoughts in my head that I'm alright with being on the internet, that only dies when I stop using this site. [M-Mu] I have every intention of resuming, as a lot of my passion for discussing what music I like has returned to me, and there's some things I want to catch up on with talking about. [PKJ] though...





I like Japanese as a language. The types of people it seems to attract paint it an unfair picture that I've deeply enjoyed digging beyond, to see what lies beneath. It's such a visually iconic language that sinks into so much stuff outside it that, finally processing it as more than just a collection of shapes feels incredibly rewarding. Helps that I've also just always had a language itch in me that still hasn't gone away.

That being said, I have no interest in continuing with anything in my [PKJ] series anytime soon, as my favorite titles are generally gen 5 or lower, and none of those use actual kanji, but instead just a mix of hiragana and katakana. As a beginner, that strips a lot of context I kind of need to understand what I'm reading, at least personally. It's not impossible I'll return to it when that itch returns, and when I'm at a higher amount of knowledge, because I have plenty of ideas. Just can't do them in the present.





I guess a sadder one is, I've lost almost all passion I once had for Tetris. I hit a wall that I've been at for the past 2 years, and I just want a break from it, because the emotional and mental drain it takes out of me to keep slamming up against it, climbing it only to fall after peeking my eyes over the edge, I just can't do it anymore, it isn't making me substantially happy. Maybe that passion will come back one day, but I'm just exhausted with it and trying. I can't, and I want to put that time and energy into things I truly enjoy, instead of things I feel a duty to work at and improve because of some self-principle of what I should be doing.





Also, I'm working on a book, and that's extremely strange to just say out loud. Got an intense lightning strike of inspiration when I came into contact with Bad Island by Stanley Donwood, and went "Oh, I'd love to do something like this in my own style and story". There's maybe a 50/50 chance of it ever coming out, and a lower chance still of it actually being available for anyone to buy, as I like the idea that it's just a thing I have a stash of and can offer to people, but I like having some giant creative project in the background I can throw my everything at, pour all my creative ideas into.

Anecdotally, I actually went to college over the pre-production and printing process of this kind of stuff, which I feel puts me in a unique and rewarding position that I really want to capitalize on. I know if I actually execute on this idea, it would have a level of quality that would feel extremely validating to see visually.




My life's, okay. Things are good, but the future definitely scares me. This year feels incredibly fragile on a few fronts, but I've gotten this far without everything crumbling. I have my fears and worries, and I try not to dwell on them too long.

Expect more stuff out of me. Or at least, more ambiguous words and nebulous thoughts. I'll be in touch.