Good literature from almost one year ago

Silly things i found in my notes (some parts, not the whole thing)

sad shit and probably bad written

Home 26.03

Here comes my job as a translator, damn.

A home that was illuminated by a lightbulb of warm light, that gave me that imagination and that creativity to make paintings or drawings about moments i always wanted to remenber.

A home that had always been an escape from reallity, cozy and warm. It had stopped giving that type of feeling, now it was simply, cold, dark and lonely, because that light, that had helped me have that companny and i was so desesperated for, desesperated for something that made me feel good or at least that made me think that i was okay.

That day i had already prepare a canvas to start painting, but given the circumstances that wasn't going to be possible, because that canvas was never going to be painted with the same warmth and love.

In that house there was not a single trait of love or warmth, there was left just an dark and terrefing darkness that didn't let me enter again because i feared that i wasn't goint to feel the same way i did in the pass, after all that house wasn't going to have my company again, only the company of the plants that were going to occupy and even hide the house.

I never thought about taking the paintings and drawings, that with so much love and longing i had made, because i didn't want to lose that feeling they gave me, because maybe if i took them out of that house they woudn't give me that feeling they once made me feel comfortable. I was scared that i did took them out and brought them to the reality they would be ruined and that they weren't that memory that I once wanted so much to portray.

I left the house they way it was the last time i was in there, with the canvas on the lectern, the calendar with plans that once made me think about the future and the lightbulb without a purpose, because maybe the power had been cut off or it wasn't rightly placed, because i clung to the idea that everything was going back to how it was.

I stopped living there because the only thing that it made me remenber was how stupid i was, and how sad and lonely was my life. The only place that never gave me that air of life was again the place i lived, that some day i had escaped from it. And think that i had finaly found the thing i craved so much for 2 years, it became a little taste that i could give myself and that probably was going to happen within 2 years, if this place ever let me live they way i wanted.

Treatment  ??.??

Was it because i didn't belive that i coudln't get better or change?

I would like to go back to that age that i was happy, where there was almost 0 problems that i needed to worry about. Free from any illness.

But now it something sad, something lonely, it could be said that I'm only surviving this thing called life. And think that at some point i was sick for almost a year and i was able to be in threatment. But it didn't work that long before it didn't make a single effect, almost growing adicted to what it brought me as well with some secondary effects that couldn't be reversed.

With this making me go back to the same state i was before, but worst.

Everything haves a meaning (☆-ｖ-)

Now Playing!!: LUCY DACUS - night shift

sorry if there are mistakes

Good morning - afternoon - night <3