the internet sucks

i used to love talking to people and meeting people online. sharing niche interests, being creative together everything.

sometimes i feel like it's not even worth it anymore. i find myself asking “are you going to be a problem?” it doesn’t even matter what i do anymore, i’ll tread on somebody’s righteous crusade one way or another. whether it's politics, or some fandom drama, or what color a dress is. maybe it's better to just be alone.

oh a community revolving around the retro internet? sounds great! oh, but you have to an anticapitalist to join. oh? and what’s that got to do with anything? well, the tech companies and the corporate internet.. oh i see, so we don’t actually care about the way the internet used to be, we’re just “sticking it to the man,” got it.

it’s not even the politics that’s the problem, it’s that my involvement in whoever's activist project is compulsory. if you go to odyssee it’s all neonazis, if you go to the smallnet and the fediverse it’s all anticapitalist anarchists. fuck me i guess. fuck actually caring about the topic at hand. fuck actually wanting to talk to people. fuck you i don't want to be an activist. i'm not "your guy" i'm not on "your side" and no i'm not reading your damn books and bullshit news websites. i'm just a normal person.

i think that's getting to the point of it. i seriously don't care who you are or what you think, just know that it's got nothing to do with me. i expect the same level of courteous back. we can meet on other things. whatever happened to agreeing to disagree? this isn't just politics, this happens in localized fandom dramas and elsewhere too. i think most people can relate  in regards to internet politics though.

it also doesn’t help that employers also look at online activity. all it really takes is a bunch of idiots on x spreading around that i’m a pedophile or whatever for my life to be ruined, truth be damned. the internet is just a liability at this point. it used to be a way to get away from all of the trouble in daily life, especially for eccentrics like me who can never catch a break. but that’s not the case anymore. we’ve got no place to go anymore.

i hear people shit on the old internet, like it was all racism and bullying. The internet is far worse today than it used to be, seriously, can you even disagree with me? too many people, everything insights a harassment mob, it's terrible! You had your bad communities like /b/ or online gaming, but go to gaia online? your mom and pop internet forum? stuff happened, but it never escalated into a crisis. nothing like parler existed back then.

another thing is the anti-anonymity movement. as if anonymous people are always going to be up to no good. y'kno, that "if you have nothing to hide, then what do you have to worry about?" attitude. oh i don't know maybe women don't want stalkers knowing their identity? maybe people want to stream and not get swatted? maybe people want to participate in a conversation and not have their lives ruined for being the devil's advocate?

i am eccentric. i have a way of going against the grain without even trying, and by complete accident. in the past online, that was a good thing, it made me interesting. but now? it's a threat. i'm a bad person for it now. just like in real life. i can't be the only person who's like this. it's like i'm cursed.

i've been on a mission to find a place like that. a place where i don't have to walk on eggshells. a place where i can give my thoughts uncensored without the fear of a bunch of people thinking i'm evil.

it's not because i'm a little king that everyone should pay attention to and i'm so important. it's because i'm human, i like to rant into the ether, to vent, to interact with other human beings, it's only natural. i'm not trying to save the world.

which gets to another point, this blog isn't a call to action, i'm not starting a righteous crusade to save the internet or whatever. i'm venting, that's something real people do, it's not such a big deal, there's nothing you have to do about it. maybe you think i'm an idiot, or maybe you agree, maybe you think i need to "touch grass." i don't really care, though negative feedback hurts, sure. as long as it's not an impending crisis, i'm fine with it. the internet really isn't that serious.

aa..that's a lot of text, sorry for such a long rant. i hope it makes sense.