little life crisis

Lately, life is been feeling a little more funky, and, to be fair idk how to feel about it. I've been dealing w ups and downs my whole life as well as having this heavy empty feeling of "Im so f lost w my life"

Im currently 20, so I'm guesssing this a lovely introduction to the well-known "the 20's crisis"  lol

I am a student who's been wanting to get to UNI so badly... but man, sometimes I feel that even tho I try to put effort into them it's not enough! I'm constantly afraid of failure.. or, wandering if I ever made the right choices in my life 

This year was a huge challenge for me: returning to an educative institution after a year or two of being home-schooled due to extreme anxiety and other issues that occurred in my previous years. 

I'm working my way in, but god, social interactions w big groups bring back many things.

The positive thing besides all this drama is that again I'm re-connecting w my passion for literature and writing and falling harder than ever with philosophy. I found in my writing an philosophy a safe place, something that sparkles inside me, something that for once feels like... I found something that makes me feel understood or that at goo at something finally... and then the impostor syndrome hit me!

At this point its kinda frustrating, feeling constantly lost, alone or just numb its driving me crazy: i wanna experience all shapes, forms, colors, and EVERYTHING that life has to offer, I wanna drink all the knowledge of life, and make my mind expand. 

In fact, i consider myself a person who feels emotions SO VIVIDLY and man, being as connected with my deep thoughts emotions, etc... its a blessing and a curse lol