Peom4

Filth and muck

I sit at the park as your voice rings in my ears.

I try to cover them but you’re inside my head.

Screaming.

Yelling my name and a mixture of insults and curses that pierced me through the heart

Worse than that is the imagery my brain plays on repeat through blurred teary eyes

Like a tape rewinding itself over and over again

Blood, grime, mold, maggots, and animals past their expiration date that put in the ground with my tiny hands and a shovel

Filth and muck that can never be cleaned off

My hands forever sullied with the memories of what was supposed to be my second home

The memory of what was supposed to be a second mother

A second family too far away to confront but too close to forget

They all blend together like a movie of the forgotten parts of my childhood

Things best left sealed away all opening at once with the slightest bit of infection or blood

I feel the hours passing as the clock turns back to cold nights spent shivering, feeding animals out in the night.

Bugs chirping, the closest thing I had to a little brother, trying to make me cry, the smell of hay and rabbit shit

I can feel the dirt and grime on my fingers

I can smell the filth and muck in my nose

All the memories of a dead woman

Oh the irony,

To die as she will be remembered,

Infected, full of pain, filth, and muck

“Gentle” love

Today I cried next to you,

I was silent and I stopped holding you close.

I didn’t want to get your shirt wet or wake you.

But I wish I had held you close.

I wish I had been selfish, I wish I had let you in and see me soft and vulnerable,

But I wasn’t sure if you would like what you saw.

I wasn’t sure if my tears would be wiped away or if you would say to suck it up.

Everyday I patiently wait for your love to turn vicious.

Not because you yourself have proven to be so, but because lovers of the past has taught me one thing,

That love will never stay gentle

My love 

Her beauty is so celestial.

Looking at her is like looking at the full moon revealing itself through thin clouds.

Each second I spend with her I love her more,

She’s the only person I can’t convince myself not to love

She’s the only person that can pierce through my paranoia

The only person I’m convinced doesn’t hate me.

The thought of her smile, her voice, her face, her humor, every part of her soothes me.

I love her, and I’ll tell her until my breath withers away