My Testimony

Growing up I didn't have much. I was poor, alone, rejected by people, including my own family. I grew up Christian but was rejected by my own community and by the Church. As time passed, things seemed to get worse, and eventually my joy, spirit, and innocence were gone. By the age of 12, I was depressed, unfulfilled, and suicidal. I gave my life to new age practices, crystals, addiction, and idols. God was no longer in the picture. I had no friends, purpose, happiness, or appreciation for things. And in all my desperate attempts to feel better, nothing helped. At the age of 14, suicide became an even stronger urge. And to cope, I would do self-harm. by the age of 15, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, anxiety, and undealt trauma. My psychiatrist put me on, antidepressants and regular checkups. And at my home, my parents were super concerned and prayed for me to God. But every time they did, I would internally reject it because I hated God. I had prayed to Him before and grew up Christian but He never answered my prayers. Fast forward to January 1st of 2023, I knew I wouldn't live past a month. Then, something unexpected happened. My parents took my family and I to a church for the first time in 10+ years. On the way there, I was upset because I didn't see the point attending a service with religious people who worshipped a God who I thought hated me and would send me to hell for the way I lived. When I walked through the doors of the church, I was hugged by these random ladies, but I HATED hugs so the start wasn't too good. The service started, and worship was playing. I scoffed at each song, just wanting to go home. Then, towards the end of worship, there was an altar call for, "Those who are going into a threshold of transition for a new season, but unsure what the next step is." My mom and dad went up, then my older brother and older sister. I didn't want to go up, but my little brother nudged me to go forward with them to the altar. As the pastor was prophesying over people. I saw the people shaking, falling to the floor, and speaking in an unknown language. And I began to feel very anxious and confused, and shaky. The pastor made his way over to my family and I, and began to prophesy over my mom and dad. Then, he went to me and spoke things that no one else would know. Just me, and it was like God was speaking directly through him to me. And in that moment, everything changed. After he was done prophesying I went back to my seat with my family and I couldn't stop shaking and began to sob uncontrollably. Everyone was looking at me and extending their hand out to me. I felt super uncomfortable the entire time, but eventually I got a hold of my emotions. After the pastor was done preaching, he did another altar call for those struggling with depression. I felt led to go up and I did, but there was an uneasiness and pull back. Then, my pastor prayed again for everyone, and when he went to me he turned off his mic and cast demons of me. After that, service ended. (edited) [8:54 PM] As I walked out and went to the car with my family who had the same encounters, It was like I could finally breathe. The voices, telling me "im not enough, kill yourself, you're too fat, etc.," were finally quiet. I smiled for the first time in years with a pureness and genuineness. I wasn't living anymore, but alive. Whatever this feeling was, I wanted more of it. I gave my life to Jesus Christ, and surrendered my addictions, anime merch and collections, friendships, clothes and shoes, music i listened to, thoughts, feelings, desires, video games, etc. And as I did, God gave me more of His presence and encounters. And I didn't want the warm presence anymore, I wanted to know more about Him. I fell in love with who He was, and the King of the Universe is now my friend. Today, I walk free of depression, suicide, anxiety, ptsd, severe anger issues, low-self esteem, insecurities, hopelessness, fatigue, and unfullfillment. Instead I walk with the Living God, Yeshua, and filled with freedom, hope, faith, confidence, joy, peace, and fulfillment. There's more to life and if you're hungry enough to seek, you will find. [8:54 PM] I've been traveling to other cities with my family as of recently. I've been praying with communities for the current war in Israel and other countries. Yesterday, I was visiting a different church, and had the privilege to pray for GenZers to be set free from depression, suicide, anxiety, low-self esteem, negative thoughts, etc., and they were set free by the power and name of Jesus! There is hope for you available, and all it takes is to tell God with a humble and open heart, "I open my heart and ask you to show yourself to me if you're real," and to just wait on Him. He is NOT too Holy for you to talk to, nor does He think horribly of you. He doesn't keep record of the wrong things you've done. He loves you and desires a chance to win your heart by His kindness and grace.