"I refuse to look at you're spot beside the staircase"

I find myself trying to find you Find myself waiting for you Find myself thinking of you

That day she asked me to see if you were breathing and I had hoped what she assumed was wrong I went over to look at you and I didn't want to

I held my hand in front of you’re nose

my hand was met with nothing

and I denied it, I had hoped I was wrong

I hate the world

‘How ironic’ I thought to myself as I cried, just the night before I had prayed “I’ll believe in you, save her and I’ll believe you”

I hate the world how dare it take you away

I don't believe in him anymore

Any talk of him makes me think of you I wonder how long that's going to last

the day it happened–I didn't go home from school I sought distraction but no matter what I did I still thought of you

that afternoon I walked to the balcony and looked up remembering my prayer, remembering no matter what I did it was never enough for him

I cried that night

I miss you, I'm sorry

I didn't go to your funeral i was scared, I didn't want to say goodbye yet

I still don't I don't look up when I go down the stairs anymore I don't look at the terrace anymore I don't look at the right side of the fridge anymore I don't look at the altar anymore