loss + blog for td

loss is hard, especially death. because in death you know that there's no coming back, no fixing mistakes, no new memories. you get prickly in the throat everytime someone mentions something your mind can connect to them.

is death beautiful? is that why some crave it? is the final rest what we were ultimately made for?

anyways, things that happened today:

me and DG haven't been hanging out, and me and Mr. MC have been really dry (or rather, i've been dry to him.) I GOT A MONKEY ROLE INSTEAD OF A FEMININE ROLL WOOOO!!!!! anyways. i found out my friend is getting treated not so good at home, because our shared friend told me. i feel so bad, because nobody likes her, but she's very smart and kind and people need to realize that. i will start to talk about her.

i got new earbuds, cuz i lost one of mine and the other is actually destroyed. the old ones lasted for like 9 months (they were $90) and these new ones i've had for about a week and they're cool (they're $20). my gf asked me to buy her some, somebody remind me during april.

speaking of my girlfriend !!! today she said she loves hanging out with me because i make her genuinely happy. this almost made me cry. and i told her i consumed 847 cals today, and i said that's a good thing so she was happy with me. my usual is 400-500. we were not bad today, and i love her very much. she is very kind to me and i know she is having a tough time but she is very very strong (even more than me !!) and she'll make it through because she's freaking amazing I LovE HHERRRR !!!! 

anyways guys

bug fact. weevils are a family (curculionide) which may be the largest beetle family, with 40,000+ named living species. also guys! i got my enclosure set up finally, with the substrate. i have to adjust the heat and i haven't really decorated it yet either, so i'm going to decorate it in like a week when i get home from my trip this break and then get them !!! i am so excited guys this is going to be awesome and it is going to break me from my spiral.

LOTSand lots and lots of shifts today. alSO!! HAPPY VOCAL DAY!! (incase you guys weren't aware, vocal day is the 4th of every month.) I FOUND OUT ONE OF MU NEW THERIOTYPES!!!!!!!!!!! blue bay wolfdog. guys im the coolest dog every LITERALLYL..........

main mood for today? kinda sat but AHHHHH!!!! SO JOYOUS AND HAPPY AND EVERYTHING IS OK-ISH BESIDES BAD THOUGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! guys i love everyone right now. i can't even. ok. ok.

much love to all, ed