friendship in early adulthood.

Hi bloggers. been a minute...

I've recently been going through some things, and it has lead me to some realizations. Friendship in adulthood can be so incredibly hard. Especially as someone who struggles with my mental, and as being on the spectrum. Some may not understand, but being on the spectrum and maintaining new friendships is one of the biggest challenges I have been faced with. Sometimes it leads me to creating a new bond, and then not being able to be consistent with it. For example like speaking every single day, telling them about my life and what's going on all the time, etc. You may think, "but isn't that what friendship is?" However, in my opinion... It's a lot simpler than that. It's being there for them when they need you and vice versa, having fun hangouts from time-to-time, and sharing silly secrets, as well as having a shoulder to lean on or OFFERING that shoulder to lean on. But, as we grow older, friendships are much different than they seemed to be back in middle or even high school. We get serious responsibilities, we have goals to focus on, etc. Sometimes it may take up a lot of our time, and it causes us to not talk to friends as often as we found ourselves doing back in time, when life was a bit simpler than it is now. As I get older and focus on myself a bit more, it also means prioritizing my alone time, and keeping that safe. It may come off as rude to other's, but like I said, as we transition into adulthood, I struggle with burnout a lot more often, which causes me to not answer calls & texts, not talk all of the time, etc. It is never their fault, but it is me in the midst of finding balance in my life. It's hard, because it's all of our first shot at life... The REAL deal. Yet, sometimes, people may not grow with the time change. That is okay too. It is so unfair to blame people for not growing at the rate that you did. it is so unfair to hold someone against that depending on the situation. Growth isn't linear as change isn't either. And that is OKAY. When I catch myself feeling resentful, I try to remind myself that we are all actively trying to find balance, to find a purpose, to grow, etc. And if that means you grow out of friendships, that is okay too. I've grown to not resent those who were not able to understand me, who were not growing at the rate I was growing, because as previously stated, we are all doing this together for our FIRST time. Let people grow on their own time instead of hate them for it. But unfortunately, some may never grow. But that isn't your problem, as shitty as it may sound.. You need people who are on your level, and it's not an ego thing, it's just highly valuable to YOURSELF. 

I'm no longer a people-pleaser. No longer someone who will bow down to other's needs when it is inconvenient to me. if that means I must wait to have a stable social life, then I will wait. I won't cater to anyone who demands it or thinks I owe it to them. The only person I OWE it to is myself, even if that pisses people off. I am in a transition right now, and those who do not belong to be apart of it simply will not be. 

I hope anyone dealing with the same thing I am can read this & feel much more at ease and less guilty for showing up for yourself more these days. You're doing well. 

Much love, Vela.