“If You Could See Love”: Girl’s Love Manga and Polyamory

I've been on a bit of a Girls Love manga reading craze lately. I'm not sure if it's because Valentine's Day passed with all its talk of love and relationships or just because I needed a break from all the heavy reading I do for something softer and cuter. Whatever the reason, I've been reading a ton of different Girls Love, Yuri or Shoujo manga. Now if you didn't already know Girls Love refers to manga about, well, girls love-ing other girls. It's a romance category for romance between women. Now Yuri means essentially the same thing but can include more explicit pornographic works, whereas Girls Love tends to stay on the tame side. Shoujo just refers to manga targeted at young girls, with stories focusing on interpersonal relationships and romances with a young female protagonist. 

There're many great titles out there but I'm not here to talk about any of them, No! Of course not. I'm here to discuss a manga that, although I thoroughly enjoyed, left me feeling disappointed. 

Before going more into detail, sending out a huge spoiler warning for this manga, go read it before reading this. It will make a whole lot more sense once you know who and what I'm talking about. If not that's okay too. 

“If You Could See Love” is a 2022 published Girls Love manga. The story follows the main protagonist Mei Haruno who has the unique ability to see who-loves-who in the form of cutesy pink arrows; she however, cannot see her own love arrow. This ability has led her to be traumatised by romance. 

She now attends an all girls boarding school where she makes a declaration to put all love behind her, till she meets her childhood friend Sayo Shirayuki, who to Mei’s horror, is still in love with her from kindergarten. Some time later while in the washroom she hears someone writhing in terrible pain, to help her, Mei jumps over the bathroom stall and stumbles directly into a panicked Rinna Fukatsu, who falls in love at first sight, but runs away in embarrassment. Rinna, Mei, and Sayo are not only all classmates but are living together as roommates. Mei is sharing a dorm with, to her dismay, two girls who are head over heels in love with her. So much for putting love behind her. 

The story watches romance traumatised Mei traverse various love problems, accompanied the entire time by optimistic Rinna and safety Sayo. The three of them become a lot closer, in adventures that always seem to reflect the girls current problems and attitudes toward each other. In each encounter, the three girls do their best to help their fellow classmates and learn valuable things about themselves along the way, bringing them closer as friends and, of course, there's romantic tension that builds between them. *blush*

The plot progresses towards what feels like should be a three way confession, finally realising that they fell for each other in what would be a profound statement about the many forms that love can take. 

BUT IT DOES NOT!!

Instead the final chapter concludes with Mei confessing to Sayo. with Rinna being left as a “Dear Friend”, being happy for the two and then, three years later, they all graduate. That's it, that’s the official ending. No yuri polycule trio happy ending, with cherry blossoms or fireworks or even a school festival. There's no big final three way confession that encapsulates everything the girls went through and all the lessons they learned about love and friendship. Mei picks Sayo, the end! 

Ugh. Besides being total poly-bait 

In the beginning Mei is cautious about love. She's afraid because she’s been hurt in the past and spent a long time alone. The story then puts Mei in direct reciprocity to other girls’ love, the plot’s motivation is cultivated for Mei to learn about love, to understand its complexities in little ways and then finally to let go of her fear and embrace a love that’s personal and true to her. 

This is the story that's trying to be told. In the end Mei doesn't do that, she succumbs to her fears by choosing Sayo. Actually, Mei’s reasoning for choosing Sayo over Rinna is because Sayo has loved her since kindergarten. there's many flashbacks showing them as children looking after each other. It's all really sweet and sincere but it means Mei doesn't go through any character development during the story. Despite her growing feelings for Rinna she friendzones her at the last second, backtracking on all her progress. 

In earlier chapter 4, after what looks like Mei confessing to Sayo, Rinna awkwardly confesses to Mei confirming that she did fall in love at first sight. Mei is triggered by this, and runs away. The rest of the chapter sees Mei coming to the realisation that her fear of love, being correctly identified as her fear of abandonment has led her to where she is now, distrustful of love and full of self loathing. When she does come back to apologise and articulate this, Rinna and Sayo are both loving and accepting of her. 

It's a really moving scene, showing Mei coming out of her internalised fear, opening up about it showing vulnerability. That's a really brave thing to do and a necessary step when entering into a relationship for the first time. It's such a shame that this scene ended up being completely overshadowed by the chosen ending. I would have loved for this scene to have meant something. 

I've already stated my disappointment with the manga’s ending. It doesn't serve the characters and feels like it actively severed itself from what the story provided, both within its own narrative but also within its romance genre. 

While I’ve been criticising this work's integrity, I don't actually think there's much wrong with its writing. it's sweet and simple and that's why I liked it. If I didn't, I could have easily brushed it off and moved on, but it's because I really enjoyed it that I really wanted it to be that much more amazing. A hidden gem that touches upon queer polyamorous relationships with sweetness. 

Ok, so, picture this. It's post graduation, the girls are all in a relationship but only Mei and Sayo end up living together. That's fine. That doesn’t mean that they cannot all be in a relationship. If not, all of the evidence already within the main story there's also in the last chapter’s bonus story, with a picture of the three of them all in wedding dresses with bouquets. There’s also some text further along reading “My,, no our love” this is directed at Sayo, but the use of plural here could include Rinna as she does appear right after this thought. 

It would be unfair to assume, not only heteronormative but monogamous expectations onto a lesbain polyamory relationship. (Quick side note, I use the word polyamory here and not Consensual Non Monogamy because the girls are only really interested in each other meaning it's probably a closed relationship but this word is never used in the text, I just feel it best describes their relationship.)

A quote from the Ethical Slut, a book about non monogamy reads “ - it has become more common that partnerships, with all the closeness and longevity of couplehood, may nonetheless span two or more households,” 

There's a lot of things you have to think about when considering living with someone. While they might have gotten along in high school as roommates, everyone is now working full time jobs. 

In relationships, the topic of work schedules is a commonly encountered one and when a couple doesn't have a matched work schedule it can cause a lot of stress and tension in the relationship. If not properly addressed. 

Looking at how both Mei and Sayo work either together or at least in similar fields. Mei being a physical therapist and Sayo a nurse. their schedules can be all over the place. Mei even makes a comment about how they haven't been able to make time for each other because of their busy schedules. 

Just because you love someone very much does not mean you'd be happy living together. Sometimes if you value the person and your relationship to them, you may choose to live separately. 

In my opinion, Rinna is exactly the type of person who holds those kinds of values. Since she returned to being a pop star as evident by the billboard across from the cafe Sayo and Mei are seen in chapter 15. Her lifestyle, Her living habits and work schedule are completely different from theirs.

While she could insist on living together with them, which would bring its own set of requirements and potentially put a strain on her relationship, she doesn't. 

Rinna is extremely caring and selfless, which is why I fully believe it is within her character to put her own expectations on living together with the ones she loves, aside for the betterment of her relationship to Sayo and Mei. Again, I would have loved to have this interaction play out in a chapter, perhaps right after the bonus story while she's there visiting the two. 

I'd have them all sitting around the table discussing how they want their relationship to be like, sharing their feelings openly and honestly. have them discuss rules and expectations, really showing off the fluidity and communication that happens in well maintained polyamory relationships. Keeping in some 

silly elements, sometimes these conversations get weird or embarrassing and there's humour in that. 

I think it would have been good to see more from Rinna and Sayo’s perspective. This wouldn't be a new thing either because in the volume one extras, there's small segments from their perspectives already. when they all met in the bath, their morning routines and little in between moments in “Rinna’s chapter” and “Sayo’s chapter” respectively. 

Let's start with Sayo. In chapter 3, Mei gets confessed to by another girl and she overhears the encounter. She tells Mei that she won't cause her any more problems but Mei’s ability shows us her love arrows now twisted around Mei reveal her true fears and insecurities, both the jealousy and the shame around feeling jealous, represented here by her love arrows turned into creeping tendrils. We see this again in the next chapter when Mei is getting a lot of attention from Rinna. 

It's only through this reveal that Mei comes to acknowledge Sayo’s feelings for her, countering with a confession of her own, which she quickly regrets. 

Cool girl Rinna isn't immune either but her reaction is not an outward expression of jealousy but rather a repression of it. When Sayo and Mei start to get closer, she watches from a distance looking on quietly, it's heartbreaking to watch but that's all we ever get to see.

I'd like a small section to address Rinna’s jealousy. To show a side to her character we don't get to see much of since we met her, messy and poorly handling her jealous feelings but she's also not sure who she's jealous of. Spiralling out of control to come to realise that she likes them both. 

I feel like Rinna would be the first girl to realise and admit she's fallen for both because she does, sorta. First with Mei, later showing interest in Sayo. The first time it's noticed is in chapter 3 when she gets her hair done and then again in chapter 7, after stumbling into a kiss with Sayo, which solidifies her feelings.

Then there’s Mei’s jealousy. as she begins to figure out her way around love she's able to pick up on more delicate feelings

In earlier chapters, she experiences a kind of annoyance at Rinna for “falling for too many people too easily” after many girls compliment her hair. Further along in chapter 8 after the kiss between Sayo and Rinna she can't bear to look at them and runs off while the other two are left too bashful to keep eye contact. It's an awkward situation for everyone involved. She feels in her chest what she thinks are heart palpitations when remembering that Sayo and Rinna kissed. 

The text does not use the word jealousy when describing these feelings but when you consider it through a lens of attraction, that these girls all really like like each other, it makes sense. 

What the Ethical Slut says about jealousy; 

“If you try to pretend you are not jealous when you are, others may believe you and see no need to support or protect you because you’re fine, right? Or they may conclude that you are failing to take responsibility for your own emotions. When you deny your jealousy to yourself, you take from yourself the opportunity to be compassionate with yourself, to offer yourself support and comfort.” 

To try to talk about jealousy is difficult because jealousy is like three different emotions in a trenchcoat. Being able to tell what's hiding underneath requires you to listen carefully. Not to judge or protest and certainly not to blame anyone but to treat yourself with compassion and honesty. Mei spends the whole story and maybe her whole life running away from her emotions, causing her a lot of pain. She wants to be embraced but continuously runs away. Not because anyone did anything wrong or that she doesn't like them but because of the great deal of pain she's put herself in by running away. 

A lot of our time is spent running away from uncomfortable feelings, so much so that we actually miss out on learning how to feel them. We feel an uncomfortable emotion, we run away, it comes back, repeat. what would happen if we were to stand still and feel them? First it would hurt, you knew that already but then you'd notice that it goes away afterwards, the feeling itself and the pain from running away from the feeling. Emotions demand to be felt, so we should feel them. 

An example I use is to imagine your emotions are guests in your house. Instead of shooing them out, where they will bang on your windows and door at all hours of the night, you let them in and give them a seat at your table. Treat them like you would treat a beloved friend or family member in your home. They might cause a fuss, break a vase or two but then they leave and you can tidy up after them. By doing this, you'll find yourself in a peaceful home with the added benefit of now knowing your emotions a little better so the next time they visit, you know to put away all the pottery. 

This won't be an attractive process, a real test of love between you and your partner as you handle your own emotions, especially if you're out of practice.

I think my favourite message that this story tells is one of loving weakness. That all our beauty and excellence, while attractive, is not what we long to be loved for. No, we would much rather be loved for all our weaknesses.  

Mei does not want Rinna to love her for her beauty or kindness. She craves love not despite of but because of her weaknesses. Her insecurity needs to be loved just as much as her kindness, her fears as her beauty. 

The act of sharing vulnerabilities is the very thing that builds relationships. Our darkest secrets and deepest insecurities stop being as terrifying and permanent when you bring them out into the world, but not all at once. We all want to be loved unconditionally, so we must first give it to our partners. 

I wholeheartedly believe that if any of the girls decided to sit down with each other and talk about their jealousy, it would have played out like a Spider-Man meme, each pointing at each other like “no way! I've been jealous of you!”. This would have been a great scene, starting off serious then by overcoming fears, rewarded with a sweet and humorous climax before going back to being bashful. this time because your crush returned your feelings. I’d like to see these disaster lesbains handle their own relationship problems for a change.

There's a moment right before the ending. Mei’s heart is aching, she's realised her feelings for Sayo but she's standing next to Rinna and she thinks “i don't want to have to choose, it's just ,,, too selfish.” She doesn't want to leave either of the girls behind, she loves them both but thinks it's selfish to want them both.

It's a little paradoxical isn't it? Loving two people is considered selfish? 

It makes more sense if she feels selfish to receive love from two people at the same time. 

Which has never been true, you wouldn't call someone selfish to have two parents or two best friends, for that matter.

So, What if I told you that this manga actually does have a polyamorous lesbian relationship? 

At the end of volume 2, the school's doctor, Masaki Yumiike, finds Mei shivering out in the rain and takes her back to her place, where we find Mei's homeroom teacher Inaho Shinohara before a third woman crashes in and gives both the teachers a big kiss. She introduces herself as Chinatsu Nonoshita, a stylist and Mei is shocked to see that each woman's love arrow splits off in two and that they all point to each other in one big mess of pink hearts. Inaho explains that just like Mei, these three shared a dorm in high school when they were all her age and then continued living together afterwards with Masaki saying “having them both in my life means we can bicker everyday… it feels right”. Mei is speechless; she pictures Rinna and Sayo while learning about what having multiple partners is like. 

There's a moment, after Inaho finishes telling Mei that she should find her own meaningful kind of love, it shows a panel of Inaho, Masaki and Chinatsu with Mei in the middle underneath Masaki. A blonde, brunette and dark haired. Later after Mei returns to her dorm and sits down with Sayo and Rinna we get the same panel except with our girls this time, in the exact same order. 

If that was too subtle for ya, the final image of the chapter is a picture of the trio at graduation, an almost identical picture is seen at the end of the manga, this time with our main characters. 

This should have been a huge plot point in the narrative. Mei sees herself represented in her teachers, literal mentors for her as she gets to talk with them, receiving advice and with their love arrows to confirm that the love between them is true but it's never brought up again, being completely abandoned by the plot. So what gives? With all of these things stated or suggested by the narrative, then why did the ending feel so, bleh?! It's clear that writer Teren Mikami backed herself into a corner. I do believe that she was aware of polyamory relationships in manga while writing this, but I don't believe for a second that she meant to write a bad ending, this woman loves yuri! It was a cute idea but the ending was doomed from the start. This manga theme is a cute and innocent comedy, about finding love. To delve into depth about polyamorous relationships or have the main character explore them would actually require the story to stray from its ethos. 

Let me explain. 

The queer community, despite all its victories, is still on the fringes of acceptability. A same sex couple can find acceptability there is a catch however, they must be scrubbed clean of all sexuality and deviance. 

If by the same forces that created the transvestite villain, also produced the cheating slut. Its the same belief that love is between only one man and one woman. Its taken decades to allow the legalizable of gay marriage and the acceptance of gay people in communites. Polyamory however has not been granted the same kind of acceptance. 

Because of this, if Mikami wanted to write the ending as a triad relationship she couldn't have an innocent love story. She sacrificed the story's ethos, a goal of finding a love that is personal and true to yourself for one of more social acceptability. Sigh. 

This is the main cause of my disappointment, and I don't fully believe it's the writer's fault. 

I will, however, argue that this story's focus on interpersonal connections and innocence would have been the perfect place to include non monogamous themes. 

For one, having this be a gay romance means your free experiment more as it's already outside the established roles for relationships. For straight couples it's pretty heavily bolted down what the expectations are and little, if any conversation about it is had, it's all assumed “natural”. 

Gay relationships don't have this problem, as the roles aren't as well established and are free to shift and change. There is no “man” or “woman” in the relationship, they are able to establish their own roles more easily. 

For another, it'd be changing the stigma. In most media, more commonly we see “The Cheating Bisexual” trope, love triangles, harems and queerbaiting. Rarely do we see a happy ending between three lovers if they get to exist as lovers at all. Part of the difficulty authors face when writing non monogamous characters is that they just don't know the inner dialogue or understand the feelings of non monogamous people well enough to write about them. It would be a huge help if they actually knew what these people’s relationships are like and for that we need to look towards real life experience. 

Good thing I don't need to look very far for real life examples of polyamorous relationships since I've been practising consensual non monogamy myself. I have been in different open relationships over the past few years, experiencing both the harmonious joys and the uncomfortable moments.

Speaking from personal experience, I've felt the shift in acceptance first hand. I can recall this one time I was harassed in public. I was holding hands with my two partners at the time, I was in the middle, a boy in each hand they were walking me to the bus station. The three of us boys were enough of an assault to the statis que to warrant a bark from a passerby. Being shouted slurs at isn’t anything exclusive to being polyamorous but his use of the plural and its direction at me, the one in the middle, made it clear his problem wasn't just with the fact that we were gay but that we were gay together, we were too gay. 

it was truly just an act as innocent as holding hands but an act which sent us back years in terms of acceptance. 

 I think what this experience shows is that the rise in acceptance of gay people has not been accompanied by an acceptance of queer culture, meaning, not straight, vanilla or monogamous. Which means kinky trans people like me but it also includes our protagonists. 

Being gay was treated in much the same way and not even that long ago. There are people alive today who felt the same kinds of harassment, and worse. While this is still true, it's not as severe or common today. The current feelings about gay people are different then they were, the current feelings about queer people remain largely the same. 

But that's here in the west. 

“If You Could See Love” is a Japanese story. The characters are in Japan which does not have the same acceptability for gay people. While homosexuality was never criminalised, gay marriage is not legal and same sex unions arent recognized. Laws on polygamy, being able to marry more than one person at the same time is also illegal, that's true for here too. 

This manga did showcase a bonus image of a gay wedding, though if you look closely only Sayo and Mei have wedding veils. There is no polygamy here. 

I kept a lot of my grievances about the cultural feelings around gayness and polyamory out of this writing as I wanted the focus to remain mostly on this story. To be clear, I do think it's how our current culture treats anything deemed queer as deviant and therefore wrong, to be the problem. Instead of writing about the root cause of that issue, something that requires much more knowledge and skill that I am capable of, I instead focused on something within my reach. An example of the kinds of disappointing stories resulted from this. As it remains, the story I wish to read won't ever be written nor will there be an audience to embrace it. 

I believe I speak on the behalf of the fans when I say I feel cheated out of a good polyamory representation and I feel strongly that this is because of the stigma surrounding non monogamous people. how we are consistently left out of the protagonist role, while continuously being displayed in bad faith and untrue stereotypes. That the writing and portrayal of non monogamous relationships in an innocent setting rather than a sexual one is just as true and important. And that good representation of queer romances is understated or ignored completely in favour of more palatable stories for straight tastes. 

Gay stories without any queerness might as well be straight and that's why I'm thoroughly disappointed.