There Must Be Things I Want in Life

I am thoroughly sick of how mundane my life is. Everyone glamourises uni and tells you you're going to "meet likeminded people" and "nurture your passion" and all that shite, but what they don't prepare you for are the shitty deadlines for essays and things they don't even warn you about, days that feel like they all blend into one, and budgeting, housekeeping, managing drinking, all that shite. And the loneliness. Jesus Christ, nobody prepares you for the loneliness.

I have sort of become apathetic to most things and have forgotten who I am. I guess that happens when you're barraged with a lot of stressors and you're not sure how to process everything.

So, I'm telling myself, one day at a time. Hopefully, this blog will help me with that.

I'm making a little list. I have a few things I want to do this year, or at least, in the near future:

- Listen to all of Pearl Jam's albums (I don't like them, but it's for my girlfriend and I think it'll be an interesting listen - I want to get to know her better. But in doing that, will I ruin their songs for her? I hope not).

- Watch all the series of Love Live. The game's closing down so I really want to watch all of the series in order to honour its memory. I'm currently one down, and I think I have 7 to go.

- Learn some basic chords on the guitar. I want to be able to create music, I miss my keyboard, and I think it'd be electrifying to be able to play with force.

- In Reverse: 1999, I wanna get Spathodea. I think she's really cool! And after her, I'd quite like to get Isolde, so that they can work together!

- And in ProSeka, I wanna get Wedding Honami. I have enough gems for her already, but my account is so unfarmable so I need to stay on my guard. Once I get her, well, we'll see!

- Write at least 5 poems about/for my girlfriend. It's crazy I was able to even get a girlfriend, and writing about her makes me feel so whole. I'm not the best writer so it'd be nice to let myself go and just enjoy writing for her.

- Watch at least 30 films. I've barely been watching films due to lack of attention span, and I miss it. So I want to ease myself back into watching films, slowly.

- Buy a maid costume. I've seen at least 3 around and it's always been a dream of mine to own one. I don't care how weird that sounds.

I guess there really are things I want to do for myself. People will think I'm wasting myself because none of those goals are academic. I'd like to remind people that heavy academic focus is probably what got me into this mindfuckery. And lack of communication. I'm very good at supressing my feelings to the point of forgetting who I am.

So I'm going to use this blog to just express my supressed emotions towards things I'm interested in. My diary isn't enough, because I have so many entries that it gets different to sort. So here, I'm going to try to be honest with myself, and be as authentic as possible.

よろしくお願いいたします。