What's up with parents?

Sometimes I feel like my parents hate me. I pray they dont, but its just so hard to convince myself that despite everything I've done they still love me.

Why did we turn out this way? when I was a child everything was so different, I felt loved, I felt safe. Now I can't stand the idea of going home. I've thought about running away so many times, only to quickly realize there aren't any "valid" reasons for me to do so. And even if there were, my parents have made me stupid, useless even. I have no idea how to use the subway, nor to cook or how to protect myself. Running away would practically be a suicide.

Still, there's a certain comfort in thinking about it, thinking of a better life, away from the screams and the fights, away from the divorce and the occasional kicks.

My parents are not abusive, and I dont think they are bad parents either. It's just that sometimes I feel they're not even trying to actually parent me. And hey, Im not some sort of plant they can water every three days and leave the rest. 

They have both changed so much, each in a different way, each from bad to worse. But that's a topic for another day.

I dont feel all that well today, but life goes on and I guess so should I :/

K that's all. bye bye